i-Anya

A nightmareishly long post in reply to Anya’s questions due to having to add in scene copy/pastes…
I sort of bounced around putting things into this post, so it probably doesn’t make very much sense. And you’ve probably read most of the scenes herein already, but that’s not the point.

-Have you written an event or character or plotline into your fan fiction that relates to something you wish you could experience or become some time, either for real in the future or just as a wishful fantasy? (Examples of passages showing this would be great thanks)

…uh… yes? I’ll try to find a few passages that express this. Beyond entire fanfics, I mean…

Heck, pretty well any of the basic stuff Tiana’s done counts as things I wish could become reality. But. *red faced* I suppose the whole romance with Jether counts best. I only wish I could end up with a boyfriend as considerate as Jandalf writes him to be.

I found one scene that fits this, somewhat. A dialogue I did between Tiana and Anakin. Wishful, yes. I’m a hopeless romantic going through a stage where guys are cute. It’ll wear off in a while, but it comes in handy trying to write romantic crap at the moment.
Tying in to one of Jandalf’s scenes, between Obi-Wan, so it may not make much sense.

*

She shook her head. Masters. There’s no living with them. Tiana had been quite content to stay hanging around the sparring mats, avoiding the fighting– though she wasn’t bad at it– but off went Jandalf. As usual.

“Edgy,” she said, dryly. Talking outloud to herself didn’t make her look particularly good, but everyone who knew her name thought she was mental as it was. She grinned faintly, watching some of the older Padawans attempt to take on Anakin Skywalker, and, as usual, fail.

Jandalf knew well enough that the only reason she had wanted to come down here was to watch a certain older Padawan anyway. I’m suprised she hasn’t gotten me in deep water for that.

She had found her Master to be oddly understanding– or at least somewhat leniant. What female her age didn’t have a crush on the young Skywalker anyway?

Tiana shook her head and redirected her attention to watch her Master sparring with another– Anakin’s Master, she observed interestedly. Well, now that explains a lot, she thought with an evil chuckle. Brushing gold streaked hair back behind her ears, she snickered at the thoughts running through her mind.

She wondered if she should see if there were any other spair Padawans hanging around who wanted to risk fighting her.

It was too entertaining to watch Jandalf and Obi-Wan fighting. They were more experienced than the older Padawans, with completely different styles.

A tap on her shoulder startled her out of her reverie. “That’s your Master?” A statement, or a question– Tiana wasn’t sure.

She turned around, and glanced up at the blue-eyed face of Anakin Skywalker– a bit tired out. “Yeah,” she answered. “It’s oddly entertaining to watch her fighting your Master. Why aren’t you still out there?”

“I’m done for now,” he answered. “Why aren’t you?”

“I avoid matches.”

“Why?”

Tiana snickered. “I don’t like burning down buildings.”

Anakin blinked.

She quickly amended that, “I enjoy sparring once in the while, but only when I have to will I bother with competition. If I have to fight, I’ll tackle Jandalf, and attempt to get her mad enough to fight back.”

“You aren’t like the others,” he commented.

Tiana grinned faintly, her attention off of Jandalf and Obi-Wan now. “Nah. Who wants to fit in when it’s much more fun to drive everyone insane? I don’t see a point in acting all high and mighty, and so pathetic around higher ranking Jedi.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides, Jandalf seems to hate the whole bowing thing, so it’s not really in habit to treat her with complete respect, if that’s what you were referring to.”

“It was.”

She shrugged. “Hey, I can’t help it. It’s her fault, for bothering keeping me as her apprentice.”

Anakin changed the topic. “Why are you here, if you aren’t doing a match?”

Tiana grinned evilly. “Isn’t that obvious? I’m here to stare at you.”

She stood up, and left the older Padawan speechless, staring at her complete bold statement.

***

It was lunch, the second day. Tiana had learned by the first week of an apprenticeship to one Jandalf the Orange not to question her like of food, and just live with it. It had got a tad annoying, the fact that her Master could finish a meal before half of the Temple had started on their first helping, but she learned not to complain.

Tiana didn’t particularly mind having enough to eat, anyway, considering as a crecheling she had rairly ever had seconds from a lack of skill at talking to anyway. And the amount she could eat when hungry could rival Jandalf, if she had wanted to.

So, her Master was off attempting to get seconds of whatever the day’s meal way– some weird fish meal with some odd sauce. It had tasted fairly good– it wasn’t her favorite, but it was good. And having seconds was pretty good as it was.

“Hey.”

She was completely startled to look up at Anakin Skywalker– for the second time that week.

“Hi,” she said weakly, moving over for him to sit down. “You aren’t here to harass me for that comment I made yesterday, are you?”

“No,” he said, grinning.

“OR tell my Master?”

“Why would I do that? You’d just get in trouble for admitting to a crush on a fellow Padawan, most likely.”

Tiana snorted. “Hey, Jandalf knows I like you. She’s just too busy staring at your Master to care who I’m ogling over.”

“What?!”

“Oh, come on.” Tiana rolled her eyes. “You haven’t noticed the way she looks at him.”

“Well…”

“What I would give to catch them looking at each other on a holo,” she mumbled.

Anakin looked at her, startled by that obvious plot against her Master.

“Hey.” Tiana shrugged. “I’m allowed to plot against her if I want. It’s not like I’m ever going to hurt her, or anything. Just be annoying, that’s all. I just hope they don’t go too far, and end up getting in trouble. I’d hate to lose Jandalf. She’s the only one who really understands my uniquities…”

“Not the only one,” Anakin said, softly.

Tiana stared at him for a moment. “So why’d you come here, again?” she asked, trying to break the uncomfortable topic.

“To return the sentiment.” He playfully wacked her on the shoulder, and stood up to leave, walking away quickly.

A relatively harmless comment, but it left her sitting stunned on her seat. When Jandalf finally returned, she was silent, poking at the second helping of fish, and wondering how she was going to talk to her ever again.

He so had to have been kidding… right?

-Do any of the titles of your fan fiction pieces include the specific name of the central character? (Lord of the Garlic doesn’t count as a specific name)

I personally think that using your main character’s name in a title is cliché beyond belief. Such as the Potter brat. *gags* No other examples come to mind. I did use a character name in fanfic titling ONCE… um… Palpy’s in my Closet and I Don’t Know What To Do. Palpy and “Laura” are the main characters, and it’s… well… uh… *blinks* Strange.

Then I have A Slight Misunderstanding, The New Sith Order: Mirrormath, The Master’s Vendetta (gotta update that one…), Torn…. yeah. Then there’s Paint Wars, The Fellowship of the Plot Bunny, The Twin Paradoxes, and The Domino Effect . And I’m thinking about Shattered Jedi for the last piece, since we’ve got up to 1000 pages of RP transposing to do and it’s still not done, and TDE is plenty long enough… yeah. *coughs* None of those contain character names. I prefer to express the story in my titles.

-Are there any examples of your characters getting ill, feeling sick or hurt, or experiencing any bodily pain? (Examples if you have any please)

Sure thang. I may be able to find a few better examples given a moment, but here’s a very mild example… Link to Palpy’s In My Closet, chapter one, in which my main character is zapped, and other insanity insues. And I’m too lazy to copy and paste it and fit in all the coding again, as it’s rather too long. Read the entire story if you have time. It sort of fits most of these. A character being mildly injured, and it’s definitely wishful fantasy that I KNOW can’t come true. Heh. Including the getting other Middle-earthians in my hometown, and characters randomly showing up… and it’s evil.

And… I just scanned through my other posted stories, and they’re plain PATHETIC. Augh. I mean, some of my older ones… The Three Worlds has potential to be salvaged, and I think I will. Only not in the Star Wars universe. I mean, I read it and stared. Whoa. It was too much like LotG for its own good in a couple spots. I’ll try to salvage it as a fanfic, I think… but Teleporter is pathetic beyond belief, a total Mary-Sue, and definitely not at my writting peak. At. All. *crings in pain* I can’t believe I wrote that. However, it is where Tiana came from, but… oh well.

…sheesh. I can’t actually find anything I’ve wrote worse than minor (and the character fell over unconscious) etc. It seems my writting has extensively improved with the writting and patiently annoying betaing of Molly. I cringed to read some of my early stories, and think of how greatly time has brought me to skill.

Waitamoment… RPG, HERE I COME… *bounces on MEI RPG to find an approptate piece for Anya*

Unless you’d like spoilerific pieces for NSO? I could give you the duel with Luke/Maul/Mara… I’m just loath to post any pieces of the next chapter with Jandalf reading, unless she doesn’t mind reading the unbetaed pathetic pieces of mine art. Considering she reviewed for The Three Worlds, she probably could take it easier than that, anyway… heh… *crings in pain at memory of scary writing* It’s just the spoilers. I’ll dig it out anyway, probably…

AHAHAHAH… I FOUND something. I was going through on Yoda Clones… a piece of an Ariane scene. That sort of fits.

ow ow ow ow OW it hurts its hot its cold hot cold hot both everything confusing me why cant i make sense of anything which ways up down right left wet feels wet but so dry i cant feel anything but hot but cold not starting this again its pain just pain OW floor’s cold not floor i’m on the roof it hurts the air’s so hot ow OW dont do that…

Ariane bit back an outcry, and attempted to pull herself to her feet, only to discover that her feet wouldn’t work any better than the rest of her body. Her eyes worked somewhat, though everything that went a foot beside her turned redish, and she couldn’t look up. And her nerves worked all too well.

“Aahhh!” she screamed out, finally forcing her body through the twisted ferrocrete wall that was about three centimeters smaller in diameter than she was. And hot. Her hands felt like they were glued together, and so red…

so lost everyones gone where are they…

Althea wasn’t there. She narrowed her focus. Althea wasn’t there.

shes not dead she cant be dead i cant lose her too itll be too much…

She forced her focus, even though blinding pain threatened to pull her back into the pain-free darkness. She’s alive. Not in this Mirror.

Ariane took a breath, and realized she had been holding it. A moment later, she wished she hadn’t taken that breath as a series of racking coughs threatened to knock her over. But I have to get out. The smoke got into her lungs, her eyes, her mouth… and then she realized the ship was in flames.

Finally stumbling out, the green grass was a relief to burning feet, and she collapsed, shaking without hope of any relief. Not now. Though a cool ease to the pain, the craggy grasses threatened to poke through her skin, which felt like it had been run through a blender. Force the pain off, shunt it away, you have to focus…

As the ship behind her went up in flames the resulting explosion of the fumes around her knocked her over again, and she didn’t fight unconsciousness any longer. well maybe i’ll die maybe its better if i’m just dead and then its the end and no one will worry because theyll all die too and then itll be the end and…

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

She woke up feeling like a herd of banthas were having a party in her head, and like someone had donated her to the local nerf herd for a play-toy. “Am I alive?” she tried to say, but it came out more like “Mmmmiaave”. Her mouth was so dry…

“Shush, go back to sleep…”

Bright lights…

everythings bright where am i i dont know i cant stay conscious how come everythings gone i cant sense anything wheres the force cant i just die already?!

Back into darkness.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

She dreamed. Ariane didn’t know if it was visions, or merely dilusions brought on from the pain– pain that wasn’t just in her head. It was in her heart as well.

The Temple in flames, Elachi in dark robes that overshadowed his face, a crimson blade in hand along with his silver ’saber. A girl who looked somewhat like her slipping through dark waters, fingers cutting through the water long in a futile hope of escape long before her oxygen finally ran out and she slipped into death. An orange robed woman, searching for something on a planet that shouldn’t've existed.

And a mirror, slipping and falling, finally shattering into so many small pieces that it could never be mended– her reflection falling to pieces.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

When she finally regained consciousness, she didn’t know how long it had been since she had been able to breathe.

Althea is Ariane’s Master. She later joined the Sith, then Jemaei went Dark and mindwiped her. This is before Ariane went Dark. At about the same time Elachi disappeared.

The first scene posted on this thread also sort of fits.
http://yodaclones.proboards29.com/index.cgi?board=PWjunk&num=1105671102&action=display&start=30 I’m getting lazy, and this one has a lot of italics in it that I don’t want to have to put tags around again.

- What is the ugliest or most violent or most cruel or nasty act that you have allowed your main character to do? (Again, examples if you have any please)

Myth and Taania’s actions in this RPG page probably count for that. But Myth’s always evil beyond mention. http://ennaani.proboards3.com/index.cgi?board=StarWarsRP&num=1099706189&action=display&start=180

I’ll try to come up with something from LotG, though. Lesse… *thinks* What evil, cruel and awful acts have I ever done, beyond using my narrator powers to completely destroy plots? Or does that count. But I don’t have that archive on here, and I usually have more than one main character… grumble… does Tiana killing Anakin count? I mean, that scene was very cruel, in a sense. Emotionally cruel scene… *yells* JANDALF, DO YOU FEEL LIKE STARTING ANOTHER RPG ON THE PAINT WARS THREAD? TO WRITE JF/ENN WHEN SHE WAS STILL TIANA/SHADOW AND TURNED?

Now THAT could class as cruel… hey, what HAVE I posted on Yoda Clones anyway…

*suddenly has come up with fitting answers to this question* Cyaeth fits for my most cruel character acts. I don’t have the archives on this computer. He WAS a main charrie, until Tiana did him in, so…

A) Attempted to kill Jether by Force-choking him and slamming him against a wall. Nearly succeeded, but Dia-Tiana sensed the conflict and forced Jether to wake up. This was before they were paired.

B) Fought Jemaei, nearly killed her, then proceeded to be very evil and use her as blackmail to get Ennariel to open a portal for him.

(see following scene that may or may not explain a bit. If I had the archives for the later scenes on my computer I’d just give you those, but I, unfortunately, do not.)

“Touch me again, and I’ll slap you so hard that you’ll rattle from here to kingdom come,” Ennariel snapped at the so-called Dark Jedi walking behind her. He wore a smirk on his face, and didn’t really seem to let her threats rattle him. He knew they were empty, with lack of anything that equaled a threat. As she was legally blind, and near a state of hystarics, it was unlikely she could do anything to harm him as it was.

“Turn left please,” he said dryly, and, when the rogue Jedi refused to comply, he had to continue on. “Unless you’d rather see Jemaei die.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You are a vile beast, turning a training bond against me.”

“And it worked. Jandalf should see you as a traitor once more…”

“…because I wouldn’t let Jemaei die. Because you knew that I couldn’t stand to see another innocent death at my hands.”

“It worked.”

“I hate you.”

Cyaeth shrugged. “Your choice– hate can do nothing to you but lead you back down the darkside.”

“Let me rephrase that. I loath, dispise, abhor, and would gladly toss you into a sarlacc pit without a second thought– though that death is a lot quicker than you deserve.”

“So join the darkside.”

Enn spun at him, and spat in his face. “Traitor I may be, but not willingly, you son of a bantha.”

He marveled at her aim– nearly completely blind now, as medical exams revealed, yet she was still able to target him quite easily. He looked down the smaller woman– a bit taller than Tiana at full height, she walked slumpted, and defeated– her eyes were the same dark brown, and face nearly the same shape. Had she not been the seventeen years older that the Mirror placed her, she could’ve been Tiana.

She was Tiana, once.

“You look at me as a Shadow,” Enn spat out.

“It’s all you are.”

“Maybe so,” she muttered, “but it doesn’t mean I can’t cause you one hell of a lot of pain before you die.”

“I’m honored to think that you loath me so.”

“You won’t be honored when you die.”

Cyaeth made a strange face. “You really think your threats mean anything to me? I’m the one holding the lightsaber.”

Enn smirked. “What I can’t see, I can’t know.”

For her near hystarical state, and the glisten of tears in her eyes, she did well at keeping the pretense of complete Jedi calm around her. She wrapped it about herself as a cloak, and used it to keep her own feelings under wrap, spitting hate at him instead. Cyaeth could recognize her near state of tears, but she still kept a remarkable seeming of pure rebellion to her.

“And what you can feel, you’ll know.” He snapped the scarlet blade to existance, and brought it near to her throat, just brushing against the frail skin she wore. She didn’t wince, and Cyaeth applauded her calm. He knew that the slight touch burnt enough to cause pain.

Instead of bringing the blade across to kill her, though, he flicked it up in a similar motion that Obi-Wan had made not that long ago, when they had fought, and severed the braid she still wore– partly as a comfort, he had assumed.

He was appeased to see her wince, and did the same to the other braid she wore to balance her hairstyle out. “You’re a Jedi Knight now,” he mocked. “You don’t need to wear a braid.”

“You’re an idiot and a fool,” she replied, dryly. “And you won’t kill me because you need me to open your portal, and you know you’ll never get Maei to open it.”

“No, I won’t kill you yet,” he allowed. “Though I daresay I could find another way to open a portal, rather than using a blind Jedi who happens to have a strong weakness to the pain of close friends.”

“You try living with the pain of knowing you’re the reason several innocent people died, and know that you could’ve saved them, and see how well you do next time someone is attempting to kill your apprentice,” Enn snapped.

Cyaeth shook his head, and snapped his lightsaber from existance. “On the contrary, I know exactly how it feels,” he said, dryly.

“Oh, I’m certain you do. And I’m certain you wish Jandalf had been killed back on Yavin IV as well.”

“Of course not,” he shot back. “If she had died when the Mirror dictated she should have I would not have the opportunity to kill her myself.”

“This has gone beyond simple revenge, hasn’t it?”

Cyaeth paused, clearly at a loss of words for the moment. Ennariel siezed the chance, and continued on. “It’s not just because of Tiana that you want to kill her, isn’t it? It’s because of Jemaei, and Jether, and me, and because you just want power. You know that Tiana would not have wanted you to kill her, even if she was the catalyst that brought about the fall– and you know that it wasn’t her fault.”

He slapped her across the face. “Shut up!” he growled between clenched teeth.

Ignoring the stinging redness that crept across her face, Ennariel continued sharply. “You know that Tiana had no choice but to let herself die. You know that had she not none of us would live now. You honor not her honorable death, but your lust for power.”

Cyaeth took a step towards her, staring down at the blind Jedi. She could sense his eyes burning into the top of her head, but brazenly carried on. “All you care about now is slaying those related to your Master so that you no longer have to walk in his shadow. You know as well as I do what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shadow. And you don’t care what you do to another’s heart when it comes to getting out of that overbearing shade.”

He couldn’t take it any longer, and whipped a hand out, clenched around her throat– tight enough that her breathing was restricted greatly, but she couldn’t die. “I grow tired of your insolence.”

“You see less than me, don’t you,” she choked out around his tight grip.

“I see more than you’ll ever manage, blind Jedi.” He tightened his grip, watching her fight for air, and then, a few moments before she would’ve passed out, dropped her to the ground. Enn fought for air, and to regain the oxygen that she had lost in attempting to speak.

“Why don’t you just kill me?” she gasped, breath short in coming as she attempted to recover.

Cyaeth pulled her to her feet brutally, and took some small pleasure in seeing her struggle to keep her footing in front of him. “Because you said it yourself– I need you to open the portal, Shadow.”

Her reply was vicious enough to knock him off guard for a moment. “Of course, Anakin.”

C) Nearly killed Jandalf in the Shadow Realms, and did a good job of it too.

D) Mentally blocked Tiana from sensing the battle til it was nearly too late.

There, I think that should work.

*innocently* Though this image is pretty close to that evil too… yes, I drew this. The girl, anyway.

Any questions?

ANYA:

Tiana I just caught up with my reading of your livejournal (sorry the past two weeks have been REALLY hectic because classes have started agan here now)!! I always love reading your (your character’s) entries, but I found the most recent one particularly interesting because of the way you used some Evanescence lyrics as inspiration. But now I have questions…

- what’s the story behind the actual lyrics, do you know?
- what was the sequence of writing / listening / role-playing here - were you listening to the music first and then inspired, or were you writing before that particular track came on…?
- what is Tiana’s state of mind here or what prompted this state of being so disturbed that she’s having such nightmares, or that she thinks her life is a nightmare?
- does what is happening to Tiana parallel anything you’ve experienced for real?
- I am confused about the Dia / Tiana character swapping here - is the real Tiana still alive, or returned in a parallel universe? Its tough not knowing the story that has been developing in your rp so I need some context please! *smile*

TIANA:

An answer or three
- what’s the story behind the actual lyrics, do you know?

Ahh… no. I actually don’t know much about the group, just they have a few songs that I like. I could probably do the reaserch for that, or take a guess by my own experiences. Because I used to do that all the time– try to avoid myself, and the rampant chaos that’s everyone else’s reality– mine now too, it seems a lot. Whenever things get annoying, or whatever, I slip into my mind. Great for writting, but not for reality. *snrk* Monsters calling my name… yeah.

- what was the sequence of writing / listening / role-playing here - were you listening to the music first and then inspired, or were you writing before that particular track came on…?

I had just got ahold of the song, so I had listened to it a couple times through in hopes to get some of the lyrics right, then I was listening to a couple other songs while searching for the lyrics. I was inspired for a brief post, so I turned the music on, and wrote the post. The stuff I’m working with in LJ mode wasn’t ever RPed, it’s just in between what we DO have, really.

- what is Tiana’s state of mind here or what prompted this state of being so disturbed that she’s having such nightmares, or that she thinks her life is a nightmare?

Ahhh… you ASKED that. *grins evilly* All right, lesse… here goes. Previously, if you pay attention to the posts, we had a battle scene. Anyway, the basic rundown of this duel was as follows.

Cyaeth attacks them with a few Dark Jedi. They’re all pretty good– considering the whole siduation, the good characters got pulled into a decent fight (Obi-Wan, Elachi, Ariane, *if you could call the last two GOOD*, Lara’li, and Jether). Jandalf comes out a bit later, after Cyaeth proceeds to chop Jether’s hand off. She challanges him on the grounds that if her life is threatened, Tiana/Dia’ll have to come to the rescue, or she won’t be able to return for her. Anyway, Cyaeth has a good mental connection with Tiana. He’s able to block her through her past to sensing Jandalf’s danger until a lull, in which she attempts to teleport over. She steps in once she makes it there, and attacks Cyaeth– who’s managed to nearly kill Jandalf a couple times already. They fight for a while, then Jandalf comes back into the battle. We ended up with a very heated battle. Anyway, Tiana finally gives up on killing him through a duel, and has to cheat by falling back on magic to kill him– he’s been using the Force on the others, who had defeated the Dark Jedi already. He dies, but Jandalf didn’t do so well. She nearly dies. Tiana thinks it’s her fault, and continually batters herself in her mind. That’s what’s causing it in the how. In the backstory, it’s the memory of things that haven’t happened yet that bother her into nightmares.

- does what is happening to Tiana parallel anything you’ve experienced for real?

Yup… sort of. At least, the nightmares. *shudders* I deal with those by turning my light on and reading Narnia. It’s oddly effective. But I haven’t faced much death, so… yeah.

- I am confused about the Dia / Tiana character swapping here - is the real Tiana still alive, or returned in a parallel universe? Its tough not knowing the story that has been developing in your rp so I need some context please! *smile*

Dia and Tiana are the same characters. Just she renamed herself Dia when she was “dead”. She’s still dead, really, but decided to take on her real name again, due to the fact that most people still think of her as Tiana. So… basic context… to quote from memory.
“Hey, the narrator’s calling me Tiana again!”
“I guess she finally gave in.”
“Bah. Fine. I’m Tiana. Stupid narrators…”

They talk about the narrators a LOT. The narrators have become a great deal of the story now.

Another poem from me
That little silver mirror that sat on my wall,
Fell, shattered.
Someone across the realm, used to call,
No longer, you’re gone.

I knelt to pick the pieces up but instead I fell apart,
Pieces make a whole.
I used to be whole, but now I’m battered at heart.
I cry for you.

Tears that fall like desert rain scattered on my face,
Scarcely there, so heavy.
Blinded by grief I don’t even know whose dream I chase.
It’s a nightmare.

I can’t put the pieces together, they’re unmended.
I broke it.
Someone else has glue, they can tend to it.
Who’ll put me together again?

My mind is empty of everything but haunting sighs.
I yell, it echos.
I’ll bet you never thought you’d see me die.
I’m trapped in shattered agony.

The pieces of me that made a whole are lost,
Take me, mend me.
Everything, my wholed beliefs are crossed.
For what I was.

I’m nothing more than a shadow, broken, a shell
But it hurts to be nothing.
Pain, no more, but no one out there who I can tell.
I trusted you.

You broke me anyway.
Mend this mirror, take me back.
Perhaps some other day.
Without a home; it was a curse.
But I deny it, I come first.
My name… is Shadow.

posted by Eowyn Skywalker

Do you have any examples of deliberately writing to deal with a real problem you’ve experienced? I know you’ve told me before how some of your experiences end up woven into your story but this is a little different.

The post I worked up a short while ago in my livejournal (now on my blog) does deal with a real life experience of mine. Said experience also very much reinforced my belief of the existence and effects of the spiritual world. I’ll start at the beginning. My mom, my brother and I were in Winnipeg one day for a reason I can’t remember. We had to do something there in the morning, I think. We were eating lunch at a restaurant, and it was around 1:30, when I felt something was wrong. The fact didn’t deign to enter into my conscious thought, but it was sitting somewhere inside me for an hour, and the restaurant seemed to be very cold for that amount of time, which was a mystery in itself. We came back home in the evening, and were called over to my aunt’s house. There I was told that my grandfather had died at about 1:40 in the afternoon. He had just come into his apartment with one of my other aunts, had looked up at the clock, and died. It had been quick, apparently, and for that I’m thankful. I remember sitting in the living room of my aunt’s house for a while along with everyone else while the thought sank in. Then I left to lock myself away in the washroom for a while. Sometimes I still don’t think I fully realise he’s gone, and it’s been three and a half years. He was very special to me, and a definite influence. Anyway, I incorporated what had happened that day into the post on my LJ…and I don’t think I really knew I was incorporating it. It just happened. Although Elachi didn’t actually die. Heh. But if I could go and look for Grandpa the same way Jandalf goes to look for Elachi, I would…I know I would. But I wouldn’t bring him back, because he’s with my grandmother now, and I know exactly where. And I wouldn’t trade that knowledge for anything.

posted by Jandalf the Orange

Confessions of a Jedi Master

Did you ever think you’d see me cry?
Did I ever think I’d watch you die?
Unlikely.

show me again,
show me your pain

You’re becoming a force I can’t control
What is this lack within my soul
I can’t seem to find what’s missing.

speak in the rain,
tell me again

Come the end, I may grow to see
What’s been missing between you and me
But for now I can only wonder.

speak of your fears
let go the tears

Seeing you like this reminds me of days
I spent wandering through a mental haze
An insubstantial labyrinth.

tears of pain
tears like rain

We’ve trapped ourselves, you and I
Locked up within this big blue sky
It really is the limit.

rips at the heart
with nothing to gain

You drop your shields, I’ll begin to talk
We’ll go on one of those outside walks
And perhaps we’ll see the sun again.

An attempt at poetry, dating back perhaps to last November. I’m not really sure. Heh heh. Strange to see how many of my musings actually came true… Tiana will recall this one, if her memory’s as good as she claims. (grins) All shall bow before my horribly cliché titles!!!

posted by Jandalf the Orange

She stepped out of the turbolift, her pulse racing with anticipation and her mouth dry with dread.

He was already waiting there, and he didn’t seem to be doing significantly better, although he usually had a way of hiding it.

This isn’t “usually”, she reminded herself, putting one foot in front of the other, forcing herself to keep walking.

“How do you feel?” he asked hesitantly.

“Like a seasick mynock in a blender. You?”

“Oh…about the same.” He took her hand. “Collect yourself. We’re going to need to stay on top of things.”

“I know. And you’re a fine one to talk,” she said moodily.

“Well, in the interest of preserving what sanity I have left, I’ve decided to see about taking a logical approach to this.”

“Oh. Logical. That’s great. So then, what shall I do?”

“Er…what were you thinking of?”

“I don’t know. I considered being blunt and possibly getting royally ticked off, but somehow I don’t think that would help much. Maybe I’ll stick to a semi-logical tack and appeal to his soft side.”

“Good luck.”

“You too.”

They embraced tightly for a moment before facing what lay ahead.

<><><>

One could almost imagine that the pair of green eyes had a vaguely supportive glint within that penetrating stare…but they couldn’t be sure of anything. Not yet.

They stood in the middle of the Council chamber, side by side, facing the only other occupant of the room who still gazed at them sharply, then leaned forward a little in his chair.

She suppressed a shiver.

“Prepared to present your argument, are you?” asked the old master.

“We are.”

Jandalf wasn’t sure, at first, whose mouth had issued the brave words. Sense came to her a bare second later, reminding her that it took a considerably different level of testosterone to produce that pitch of voice.

Well. My mind really is running away on me.

Yoda blinked owlishly, steadily continuing to regard them both. “Considered this matter objectively, have I. Wish to disrupt the course of nature, I do not. But decide on the will of the Force, we must first. Speak you both with honesty, hmm? Sincerity. Or reach a proper conclusion, we will not.”

There was an awkward pause as silence filled the seemingly cold chamber.

She suddenly spoke. “Have you ever regarded the Code as not a strict set of rules, but as a guideline to be shaped by the Force’s will?”

“Always demands attention, that question does. Realise, you must, how difficult comprehension of the idea would be to different individuals. In the misunderstandings, elitist groups would form among the Jedi. Risk that, we cannot.”

Obi-Wan paused for a moment. “Has anyone of the Council ever seen fit to amend the Code for certain circumstances?”

“Come and left, occasions have.”

“Were any similar to this?”

“Hmmm.” Yoda shifted in his seat. “Yes. Two similar cases, I recall. Came to me, they did, just as you. One pair of Masters, the other a Master and a Knight. Permitted their union, I did. Lost sanity, one did in the latter pair, and one died from the other on a mission, leaving her partner distraught and unable to effectively teach further.”

“Then…you understandably have your reservations, I guess,” she said hesitantly. “But what if this time is different?”

“How different?” Yoda inquired sharply. “Missions, there still are. Padawans, you still have. Know no difference yet, do I.”

Obi-Wan and Jandalf exchanged glances.

“Perhaps this warrants meditation on the will of the Force, then,” Obi-Wan suggested.

“Hmm.” Yoda eyed him. “Then sit, and meditate?”

“Now?” she asked, somewhat startled.

“A better time, have you?”

She sat, Obi-Wan doing so soon after.

This was unlike any other meditation Jandalf had ever taken part in, though. Yoda brought them to a meld, the three minds merging to form a powerful awareness that was sent on its way questing through the Force.

It encountered a far distant possibility before long.

Images began flashing: Obi-Wan walking one way, Jandalf the other. A white-hot conflagration overtaking one of the Temple gardens–the one she liked so much. A huge black silhouette cutting Obi-Wan down with a crimson blade. A mirror falling and shattering to dust on the floor. And last of all, Tiana, her fingers raking through water long minutes before her body slowly settled upon the sea bed.

The last picture violently yanked Jandalf back to reality, and she found herself gasping for air, staring wildly out one of the windows. It took her a moment to collect her senses and her breath, then she glanced back at Yoda, back at Obi-Wan.

The latter of the two was sitting stone-still, his expression frighteningly blank.

“One of the future’s paths, we see,” Yoda’s gravelly voice drifted to her ears.

“That…” She grappled for words. “That was if we’re to…part ways?”

“Hmmm.” The sound was unquestionably affirmative. “The Force has spoken.” Yoda slid out of his seat, taking the head of his gimer root in his hand, and hobbled his way between the two humans and out of the Council chamber, the door hissing shut behind him.

They found themselves staring at each other.

“Then…we know what we must do,” came Obi-Wan’s quiet voice.

“I hope I’ll still consider being together a privilege and not a duty, after this,” she murmured.

He shifted himself closer, taking her hands. “Well, after what we’ve seen now…and from what we’ve known already…”

She looked into his eyes, and he returned the gaze.

[Will you marry me?]

Smiling in part relief, part exuberation, she pulled him to her and kissed him in a wordless yes.

____________________________________________________

This a beautifully written scene, Jandalf! Can you just talk us through what was happening in your head as you wrote it? It might help me to understand all sorts of fascinating processes that you guys work through to drive your narrative from one point to the next.

Thanks!!!!! A

JANDALF

Heehee. The drivel seems to garner the most attention, of late.

Can you just talk us through what was happening in your head as you wrote it? It might help me to understand all sorts of fascinating processes that you guys work through to drive your narrative from one point to the next.

The strange thing is, my best scenes come when there’s nothing going on in my head. I start completely blank. Once I picked up momentum on this one, though, I did think about incorporating several ideas and issues that have always been prominent in my perception of the Jedi Order, and this turned into not only a reference scene for the union of two characters, but also my illustration of the challenges they faced.

“Have you ever regarded the Code as not a strict set of rules, but as a guideline to be shaped by the Force’s will?”

That’s one concept, right there. If I may use Christianity as an example again: we have the Bible as a guideline, but it has a lot more rigidity. I believe every chapter of it was approved by God to be counted as a part of the whole book. However, the Jedi Code, while a written guideline itself, had no such clear and divine instruction. There is always room for human (or in the case of Star Wars, sentient) error, and it must therefore be assumed that the Code is not always applicable, since it was written by mortals. That’s my take on it, anyway. So, that idea led to the next:

“Always demands attention, that question does. Realise, you must, how difficult comprehension of the idea would be to different individuals. In the misunderstandings, elitist groups would form among the Jedi. Risk that, we cannot.”

That was meant to say I also can understand the view that would accept the Code as unbending. If all the Jedi took it into their own hands to behave morally and properly…there would obviously be deviation. Leaders would arise, and the Order would split into various factions of belief. Eventually, a schism would occur with members of the Order going in all directions in a big huff. As the Order’s Grand Master, Yoda obviously feels a responsibility for keeping things together.

And of course, I couldn’t resist adding in the visions. I’ve always had a fascination for them. Dreams and visions almost always occur in my fanfiction…it’s just a personal trend, really. I find they’re wonderful to use to add foreshadowing, as subtle or obvious as I want, and they add a shade of mystery to everything, as well as horror, sometimes. Even though the story Oedipus Rex contains no real visions, it’s an excellent story of how fate can be twisted around, yet still remaining the same, and I think it was definitely an influence on my perceptions in writing. No matter how disgusting. (wrinkles nose) But don’t worry—even unwitting incest is NOT happening in any of my writing on my watch. Bleah.

I like the bit you posted on intertextuality, because it’s very true. The Chronicles of Narnia have always been a huge influence to me, mainly because I read them when I was a lot younger. The Magician’s Nephew has always been my favourite of the series. I seem to have a certain affinity to beginnings, origins, creation. I can’t begin to name all the influences on my work, though, as I have seen, read, and experienced a lot over the years. Obviously, Star Wars and LotR stand out as the two big influences to LotG…heh. But there are many other little things. I’ve already mentioned personal experiences once or twice, and The Once and Future King is STILL ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS EVER… The Dune series… various Star Wars Expanded Universe books… a few pieces of fanfiction from miscellaneous authors that stand out among the pack… The Hobbit… The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy (which is actually five books long…but who cares?) by Douglas Adams… heck, even Watership Down, which is almost completely unrelated to the subject but is a great book anyway. I used to love books that gave animals a sort of humanity to them. I still do, but most of them are oriented toward a younger audience and I find reading them tiresome now. There are many good memories with Watership Down, as I mentioned, and the Redwall series by Brian Jacques, the book Pearls of Lutra especially. However, one of the largest influences on my stuff by far remains my studies on mythology and history. I find mythology and ancient beliefs absolutely fascinating, especially Greek and Norse. I love to immerse myself in the systems of life back in the Dark Ages, or ancient Rome, or in one of the Chinese dynasties. The fact that these things actually did happen, actually did exist, gives an extra touch of reality and humanity, and I value that a lot.

I’m not sure I gave you very complete answers for those particular questions, but I expect they’ll come in stages if necessary. I’m willing to keep going, anyway…I’m having a lot of fun here.

Aaaaaaaaand…for the fanfiction questions:

* Girls seem to be the majority of fan fic writers

True! A good ninety percent of the stuff I read is written by a female author. Interesting, no?

* in some worlds boys dominate and don’t appreciate the female fans

True again! That happens in some areas of video gaming, for an excellent example. Also, a guys’ group of Star Wars fans will often regard a female fan in a stereotypical way; the guys are interested in fighting and blowing up Death Stars and whatnot, while the girls are interested in the spirituality and romance aspects. WRONG. While this may apply very nicely to some, it’s actually quite stupid to just slap a label on someone like that. Grr. I happen to like shooting at people’s heads and blowing up Death Stars a whole lot more than romance, and I know the guy fans I’ve met don’t know half as much as I do about battle schematics, lightsaber cross-sections, and the physics behind a Star Destroyer’s tractor beams. Of course, I could just be more of a buff than them, too. Heh.

* Fandom offers a cultural community which provides its members with a feeling of belonging and affinity

And yet again… True! The Star Wars forums are a shining example of this (even though I left because I was annoyed with the format and liked ME:I better anyway), and there are literally hundreds, probably thousands of other sites that are based on a fandom community. A sense of belonging is one of the main needs of the human psyche, after all, and fandom can provide this in a unique sharing of interests, whether it be fiction, art, games, jokes…whatever else.

* fanfiction is considered in a negative, stigmatised light by some, who feel that it is deviant, obsessive and trivial

And…can’t you hear it coming… True! The sad part is, a lot of people do make their fanfiction fit into this subjective description for many a reader. It’s very easy to make fanfiction deviant. It’s very easy for the author to obsess over something. And, perhaps worst of all, triviality is a very common trap. Old plot ideas, twisted and wooden characters, bland narrative…they all contribute, along with many other factors. I often encounter fanfiction that I absolutely despise because there is no point whatsoever in reading it, even for a diehard fan. I always make a point of doing my best to avoid deviating and obsessing while still making it my own piece of work, because if I do fall into those monstrous clutches…well, that’s a sort of triviality in itself, too.

* fans feel that their fan world takes them beyond the sometimes mundane real lives they lead and offers something special, exciting, and new

Also true! It’s possible to go places with your character that you’ve never dreamed of in this real world. You can break the barriers of limited time and money. You can, in a very literal sense, do whatever you want, and for someone with a runaway imagination, that’s an enormous freedom.

* fandom constitutes a particular art world - where fans integrate and manipulate fan works with new forms of media

Oh, yes. I’ve seen countless digital renderings by fans of starfighters and other ships in Star Wars. I’ve seen hundreds of sketches, paintings, and other you-name-its of fantasy characters and landscapes. Fan art is something interesting in itself, because the artist, like the fanfiction author, is given the opportunity to meld their own style with another’s.

ANYA

Jandalf said: “In roleplaying, you can reveal a lot more about yourself than you would in a casual conversation”

Eowyn and Jandalf, It is taking me a while to read through all of your responses because you’ve both really given me a great deal of fantastic thoughts and ideas to think about!!!

But I started thinking about that line of Jandalfs and I was wondering if you could explain this some more for me please. Eowyn, if you agree with Jandalf I would really like your response as well.

(yes, I know I’m asking a thousand questions at once but there’s no rush in answering - take your time!)

JANDALF

Yup. My other answers are sitting at home, but it’s break (plus Software Apps is painfully slow sometimes due to the classmates uncomprehending), and I’ll answer this one:

Jandalf said: “In roleplaying, you can reveal a lot more about yourself than you would in a casual conversation.” Eowyn and Jandalf, it is taking me a while to read through all of your responses because you’ve both really given me a great deal of fantastic thoughts and ideas to think about!!! But I started thinking about that line of Jandalf’s and I was wondering if you could explain this some more for me please.

Right…well. Casual conversation to me is usually small talk, sometimes about deep stuff, but…it’s still conversation. For example, two friends will be talking:

Friend 1: Hey, how’s it going?

Friend 2: Oh, not bad, you?

Friend 1: Meh, so-so. Hey, did you get that letter from the university?

Friend 2: Yes, I did, and they accepted me! I’m so excited!

Friend 1: Hey, that’s great!

Basically…all we get is that 2 is excited, and 1 is happy for 2. This could happen for anyone…and of course, this is a particularly shallow example… (snickers) But roleplaying brings a whole different depth, especially when you’re playing a character that directly reflects yourself. Besides which, getting into character can lessen your limitations and emotional defenses that you usually have over your own self. If I was talking to someone about my hopes and dreams, I probably wouldn’t reveal much more than what I’d like to see in the next year of my life. The person I converse with can’t see past my words and my expression, either. An onlooker simply won’t see into my mind, into my thoughts. But when I’m roleplaying, the thoughts and inner reactions of my character and how that relates to her own hopes and desires are clear for the sake of the story. I don’t want to have a wooden character, so I illustrate that in a definite way if some of the focus is on her. And of course, if she is an essential spin-off of me…reading into my character can by and large reveal a lot about who I am, myself.

MORE JANDALF

Okay. Answering your questions this time around may be a little more difficult, but I’ll give it my best shot.

The description of the dying sun…

The diffuse orange-red morning light slowly crept into the room from the single high-placed window, dim from the star that would not show itself above the horizon as if in shame or fear.

Even the sun is dying here, thought Obi-Wan, cradling the tiny form of his daughter upon a single forearm, resting her against his body.

In that scene that I was referring to with the comparison to the world in The Magician’s Nephew, I wanted to convey a sense of how the sun’s difference from what the characters know influences their feelings and behaviour, just like how many people from my area, used to the open prairie and the clear skies, will quickly become afflicted with a form of depression because of the closed-in feeling the mountains give them, and the constant rainy skies during winter instead of a bright sun and snow. Of course, I pretty much grew up there, so it doesn’t take as much of a toll on me (besides the fact that I absolutely love the mountains). So in that scene where Obi-Wan’s holding his newborn daughter and reflecting, I wanted to give the impression that the Shadow Realms are very different from what he and most of our other characters there are used to. Having people like this in my personal experience gives me a much better grasp of reactions to strange environments. There was also the part in The Magician’s Nephew where the boy Digory carries across a profound sense of astonishment as well as silent, foreboding awe at the sight of an abandoned stone city that stretches beyond the horizon, lit only by the dying red sun.

Any piece which shows the influence of Greek and Norse mythology…

That is a lot more difficult to answer, as it’s not noticeably prominent in my fanfiction. At least, I can’t tell. However, I did incorporate a little Greek and Norse influence into an original fiction piece that I started three years ago. I scrapped the project because I thought it was terribly lame as a whole, and I had no real complete plotline as it was more an experiment than anything. I might revamp it someday and use one of the ideas I thought on to even submit to a publisher. But anyway. I still have the original copy of what I did get down, so I’ll give you a couple of examples. They’re not quite up to my present standards, but you were researching young people anyway. Heh. Interestingly enough, hardly before I even started writing, I called the project The Prototype, unwitting to the fact that that’s exactly what it was for what I write now. To save a little scrolling on the blog, I’ll upload files and link you.

Examples of some of Jandalf’s previous work and the intertextuality within them.

There’s some explanation and musing provided in there, along with a couple of examples of my noticeably influenced work. However, I do think that exploring the perspectives of Greek and Norse mythology teaches me something about different cultures, and that in itself influences how well I can write diverse characters and environments.

Any examples of animals with the type of humanity you’ve understood from reading Watership Down…

Very little, if any, of my original work or fanfiction portrays that sort of thing. But I did get the momentary urge to write an intelligent animal a little while back, so I made the character Hariga for the Fantasy Forest RPG. She was a talking, sentient wildcat, the result of some young reckless magic users accidentally applying their power on an unwitting forest creature. But she’s dead now…heehee. Got killed off pretty quick through a misunderstanding between some other people participating in the RPG as well as general annoyance on my part. I derived Hariga from yet another beginning of an original fiction that has not seen the light of day for four years. Unless you think it’s worth mentioning, I won’t. (rolls eyes) I can’t stand some of my own work.

The examples of Douglas Adams influences…

General randomness and stupidity that is funny in a strange sort of way… Good ol’ (and unfortunately late) Adams’s stuff has more of an impact on my spoofs than anything else. Also, I have this strange fetish with having relatively normal stuff recurring in amusing ways. Take the bit from Insanity Prevailing:

Han the Squirrel began explaining the game of sabacc to them.

“Aaaaaahhh,” they said after he was done, now understanding (if you the Reader want to know how sabacc works, ask me. I’ll give you a printout or something).

“Of course,” grated Obi-Wan, “the last time I played sabacc was on campus.”

“If I recall correctly,” remarked Jandalf, “I not only won three hand pots, but the sabacc pot as well. Naturally, that was after I bombed you out with the Idiot’s array, after everyone else had the smarts to fold.”

Now everyone looked confused. The wizards just shrugged and told them to forget about it.

Han the Squirrel thought. “So…is it that game that made you two hate each other?”

The wizards glanced at each other.

Obi-Wan coughed. “Umm…”

“Let’s just say it didn’t help matters any,” put in Jandalf. “Actually, he was the one that taught me how to play sabacc in the first place, so it was indirectly his fault that he lost, for teaching me so well.”

He scowled. “All I did was give you a printout.”

Yeah. Notice how the “printout” concept pops up from a character shortly after the Narrator helpfully mentions something about it in brackets. I like doing that, and I don’t know why. Here’s another bit that’s somewhat Douglas Adams, somewhat The Once and Future King (specifically, the character King Pellinore), somewhat Monty Python (BRITISH HUMOUR RULES!!!!), and somewhat just plain old Jandalf:

Dazed, they filed out of the van while the Riders, cheering wildly in panic, surrounded them.

The leader of the Riders, whom the Narrator shall replace with a random obscure Star Wars character, surveyed the odd group in a calm panic. “What business do a human, an Elf, a wizard, a human, a Dwarf, a human, and a wizard have in Rohan?”

“You could make it a lot easier,” suggested Jandalf, “and say, ‘three humans, an Elf, a Dwarf, and two wizards.’ ”

Exar Kun glared at her, then sighed. “Sorry. Don’t have my grammatical guide with me. Had to leave the bloody book at home. Banished under pain of death, you see. Bloody annoying.”

She nodded sympathetically. “Do you want to borrow one of mine?”

“Oh. Do I. That’d be great. Thanks muchly.”

“No problem. Consider it a gift.”

The Riders cheered wildly in panic. Jandalf gave Kun one of her grammatical guides. She currently had 152763 copies on her at the moment.

“You were banished?” asked Han.

“Quite. King can’t tell the difference anymore between friend and fiend. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles, I suppose…”

What I’d also really like is any example of text which you’ve based on a real experience that has happened to you or that you’ve seen in the news - a current event for example, or something that has happened in your family history.

Hmmmm. The fact that I’ve experienced death a number of times in my family (and occasional near-death) allows me to write more freely about sorrow, for one thing. In The Artist’s Way, I put a lot more of myself into writing it than almost any other piece of writing I’ve ever done. I wanted to make the narrating character seem very frank and honest, and the best way for me to do that was to basically make her me. In the beginning, I tell of my frustration when inspiration is lacking:

The night breeze drifted through the park, stirring the early summer leaves to rustle and my long loose hair to stir on either side of my face as I stared down at the blank flimsy in front of me.

I wasn’t sure why it was still blank. Perhaps it reflected my state of mind, at the moment. My right hand was curled under the sheet of flimsy, one finger tapping expectantly. But my left hand, holding the inkstick in a death grip, didn’t move.

The bench was hard beneath me, an old wooden thing that had likely been sitting here
before I was born. The lacquer was worn down but the wood, probably grown with some sort of chemical, refused to rot.

I should know. I sat there every evening, watching the sun go down, waiting for inspiration to arrive over the Corellian horizon and set my left hand in motion, scribbling furiously under the streetlights as the daylight faded, writing something the local news would make a killing for the next morning.

No such luck tonight. There hadn’t been for weeks. A few months, really…

Most ironic, isn’t it, that I should write about not being able to write. (grins) As the character progresses through the story, I tell of my own commmon personal frustrations with small distractions, sudden realisations of the situation, insecurities as an artist, common bad luck that might have been good luck in a different scenario, and last of all, the observation and feeling of grief:

I was so absorbed with my woolgathering I barely noticed that we had entered the little public foyer; the general had to tell me we had arrived before I snapped out of my dreamlike trance by his low-keyed voice. But the hint
of a knowing smile on his face told me it had happened once to him, too.

My attention was quickly brought to the two people entering the foyer, a man and a woman. He was tall and dressed in a semi-formal outfit reminiscent of an officers’ style commonly used in the Wars. His demeanour was similar to his dress; he carried himself with both authority and a watchful affability. Obviously, her bodyguard, or whatever the title would be here. She had chosen well, really, if he was as I thought.

She also held those traits in dress and personality, but there was something radically different about her. She hadn’t just been trained to be personable, she had been born personable. I held a certain amount of envy for
that, I must admit.

Her long brown hair was tied back into an elegant but simple style, and her lengthy dress seemed to flow around her in a wave, though I didn’t think the shimmering, almost ebony blue she was wearing would have suited her as much as a more light and colourful gown. Perhaps she wore this for a reason? The same reason that her beautiful face was cast in a quiet pain?

I saw her dark brown eyes instantly drawn to the general, who had already taken a step forward. He bowed respectfully, but as soon as he rose she caught him up in a strong embrace, her eyes closing behind a glistening pair of tears. He paused for only the barest moment before wrapping his own arms around her
shoulders.

Who died? I wondered silently, the expression drawing from an absolute lack of humorous banter, with which the words might have been used before…

But not now. The very mention, the very thought of humour seemed anathema to me as I felt the absolute grief of their meeting. They wept in a heavy silence, broken only by the gently rustling leaves in the cool breeze whose faint chill whispered of the coming winter.

That tells of her perception of Obi-Wan and Padmé grieving over the turn and subsequent loss of Anakin.

Okay…on to the next set of questions regarding fanfiction communities:

What have others done to help you?

Ummmm. Apart from submitting the occasional helpful review and betaing once or twice…not a whole lot. I just speak of the general community here. Most people are just looking to read a good story when they browse around, and if they find one they like, once in a blue moon someone will submit a review that says something to the effect of “Wow that was so kewl!!! lol I hope you will keep going on this!!!! XD”. Good for ego-inflation…in fact, the well-written praises are even better for swelling the head. But too rarely does anyone say what they liked, or give critique on anything. Although…what am I expecting from a community for amateurs? (grins) I’m an amateur myself.

How have you helped others in return with their writings?

Because I’m so often frustrated with the lack of critique I get, I’ll dole it out to others. Nicely, of course. I’m certainly not a flamer. But if I get the sense that an author might not take constructive criticism very well, I’ll post under a different screenname in an anonymous review and point out what I liked and what could be changed. Heh. Usually I use the pseudonym “bashar teg”. That’s the name of a general-type guy in the Dune series. So if you ever see the name around without caps, chances are it’s me. Heh. And I very often sound like a complete (but nice) know-it-all when I post like that, because I can get away with it…heehee. Author’s revenge. But I really do supply helpful comments—I just don’t want one lousy flamer to ruin my reputation. I’ve heard of it happening before that way.

How does it feel to be part of a community where people are so supportive of your writing?

Hmmm…just…nice. I do like positive reviews a lot. But I think I’d keep writing even if I didn’t get reviews. I just like to write, and most people don’t review when they read a story. I have proof of that: a good half of the members on Fanfiction.net who have me on their author alert never review anything I write. I’m just glad they enjoy it, but I would like to know what they think now and then.

How does this differ to the feedback you get from your school teachers?

Sadly…not a whole lot. Most of my English teachers are too busy to sit and critique with me, anyway. They love it when I submit fanfiction for bonus marks, even if they often don’t have any idea who the characters are. (sighs) Mostly I hear, “Oh, yes, that was good. Keep it up.” Yeah. I will and they know it. (snickers) Even if it comes really slow sometimes.

Jandalf, what about you? Can you give me a bit of a comparison between the feedback and support you get from the community and what happens in the classroom at school?

Like I said about the online feedback: positive but mostly useless when it comes to improving on my writing. School…well, just this last semester my English teacher had us submit and group-critique creative writing. (grins) I put in The Painting. My group at least supplied more in-depth comments on it. It was fun, but the two beta readers I’d previously given that particular short story had done the most for it, by far. I still have to update it on Fanfiction.net…

Whew! Five whole pages in Word… There you are for now. Please do tell me if you want a better/different answer for anything.

TIANA

I didn’t copy and paste anything, but you asked something about what we get from other fanficers… but… yeah. Couldn’t find where the darn question was, but… here goes.

I don’t really get any help from other fanfic people. When people review me, it’s the typical “Wow, cool story, keep it up” sort of junk. NEVER critics. Well, I had a couple flamers… which helped me… not at all.

My only aids have been a person calling herself Molly who beta-reads for my New Sith Order, and probably is rather annoyed that I haven’t given her anything to work with for a few months… and Jandalf. Jandalf being because I plead with her to actually give me a decent review once in the while, and point out my flaws, and junk like that. After all, I do the same for people, WHY CAN’T THEY RETURN THE FAVOR?! I’m never TOO blunt coughJANDALFcough, but… I can be a bit critical. I balance it out with the whole “loved the story” thing, though. After I point out comma errors, and other obvious mistakes. Which, of course, was why I yelled at Jandalf that Canada wasn’t obscure. *shrugs*

So… yeah. Either the people flame, or they do short and sweet reviews which, though they hike the ego, do nothing for my writing. Bah. I wonder if I kept my original novel I started writing… so pathetic it wasn’t funny… I can’t stand that stupid thing. Mom says it turned out tacky because I wasn’t ready to take on a project of that mangnatude without falling into ripoffs. I say that I’m going to REWRITE IT, AND IT WILL MAKE SENSE! And I won’t call my main character Tiana. Agh. WHY DO I ALWAYS CALL HER TIANA?!?!?!?!?! I’ll call her… uhh… Orlayn. Snrk. No, I won’t… bahness.

Interestingly, I started writing a story that came after my pathetic one, and its inspiration was the meeting I was going to have with Jandalf. And all the possible possibilties that could happen. I won’t dig it out, because I didn’t get far enough for it to make sense, but the basic thing was that the main character met up with an evil character at a mall… it was the result of me musing over Jandalf actually being some evil demented person in reality. Just thought you’d all like to know that.

RPG really effects my reality, but reality effects it too. *snrk*

In roleplaying, you can reveal a lot more about yourself than you would in a casual conversation.

I agree. I’ve put my heart and soul into Tiana, and Jandalf, through my characters, knows more about me then most people I know in real life. Though, admitably, she’s stronger than I am in ways I wish I was, she’s still me.

Through RP, I do reveal a lot about myself in small ways. In a causual conversation, you rarely touch on your thoughts… though I don’t have casual conversations very often anymore. I mean, with Adrienne… we talk about everything and everything, and she knows a lot about real me. With Jandalf, she knows inside me, really. We can’t stop being friends! They know too much! I’d have to change my passwords for Adrienne not to hack my accounts, and… Jandalf could completely destroy me with what she knows, in an emotional sense. Honestly. Just start putting the puzzle that is me together…

*hums Pieces of Me for some weird reason*

*coughs*

ANYWAY… I can’t think of anything else to say. Where’s a mic, I feel like singing…

1. What came first, the image from Tiana or the description from Jandalf?
…neither, though in that Jandalf’s came first. But I was the one who was discribing the Shadow Realms in a looseleaf thing which I haven’t bothered to discribe because it’s relatively useless and AU now. So when I found the image I was thinking my own stuff rather than Jandalf’s. I’ve spent a lot of effort in creating the Shadow Realms, in their language, their customs, and stuff like that, so if I get a bit possesive regarding it… it’s because of how much time I put into it.

2. What is the name of the FF in which this description appears? (Is it just called Yoda Clones or is it Paint Wars?)
Yoda Clones is the fanfic user name, and it’s not in any fanfic yet, but it will appear in The Domino Effect. All that’s posted anywhere is the first piece of The Fellowship of the Plot Bunny.

3. Do you have any examples of cliffhangers?

*looks innocent* Cliffhangers? US? NEVER…

Hmm… we’ll what I can come up with. Paint Wars doesn’t have any, and LotG isn’t wrote out too far yet… mostly in archives still. But the way we cut apart some of the scenes… yes, they’re cliffies. I ended one chapter with Tiana’s line, for example, “She has reason to want me dead.”

And ended it like that. It was very amusing.

Jandalf I really find your livejournal fascinating (yes even though you haven’t written copious amounts, what you have written is intriguing!) - and now I have some further questions (there’s some other questions here in case you missed them!):

1. Some of the excerpts you nominated as favourite are from the post that you wrote in second person as opposed to most (all?) of the other posts which are first person. What was the reasoning behind writing in second person? How did it come to be that two parts you preferred to share are from that post in particular? Did you find it easier / more difficult to write in second person and why / why not?

2. I think it is really interesting that you chose to use the livejournal more for the creation of a backstory from your padawan years and so on - do some of the threads of this backstory end up interwoven into your fan fiction in any way? How has the backstory helped you? Do you think reading it has helped Eowyn in any way at all, and if so, how can you tell? (Since she is away for a bit I have to ask you!)

3. Where do you get your inspiration for writing this? Do you draw from real experiences as well as imaginary / the fantasy worlds? Do you rely on the movies more than the books (a la Tolkien that is), or vice versa, or equal, and how much so?

4. I really liked the foreshadowing you’ve done with Auddie and your master. Has something already happened in your fanfiction to inspire that or is it a new idea? Do you have a sister or a friend or anybody that you’re basing the Auddie character on (or is she another mirror of yourself?)

Honestly, your fanfiction is sooooooooo complex!!!

Oh and if you see / speak to Eowyn, tell her I have more questions for her and that I loved her livejournal entry where she has recounted a conversation / episode / event - that is sooooo clever! You two young women are absolute geniuses!!! *smile*

TIANA

Heh heh. I have a bit of internet time, just not much, if you were wondering. I figure I’ll check Yoda Clones and this blog until I’m back to normal. And answer questions. I love answering questions, for some weird reason…

And one of my own questions– HOW DO YOU GET YOUR TEXT TO GO WEIRD SMALLISH IN THE MIDDLE WHEN YOU QUOTE?! Agh… like Jandalf, when she quoted her LJ…

How has the collaboration helped your individual writing? What advantages / benefits / improvements in your writing has the co-authoring given you that you may not have been able to achieve in solo writing projects? (If anything)

By working together in conjunction with someone who writes three times better than I do when it comes to dialogue– though I am probably better at view points– we balance each other out, and contract our individual skills. My spelling, for one thing, has improved, as has my grammar. A lot. I mean, a few months ago I would’ve spelt grammar as grammer and not known it was wrong… heh. But we contrast with our writing skills, and by that, make each other stronger. (distant reference to Insanity Prevailing) By focusing on strengthening another’s weak points, you begin to allow yourself to write deeper in on your own weaknesses, and strengthen yourself in those points. I think that, in a sense, she has become a Master, at least for some things like this– though I learn through osmoisis… heh heh.

But allowing yourself to see your weaknesses through another’s eyes can strengthen your stronger points. I’ll always prefer co-authoring fanficions now…

And, what are the positive and negative effects of doing your writing online?

Working through the internet proves to be both a blessing and a curse– we can work at real time through the IM system, and save quickly. But it’s often very hard to express what I want to say through plain text on the spur of the moment, while if I was talking straight to her face, I could easily sketch out what I meant with motions, and accented speech. I can’t demonstrate things, or be annoyingly emphatic like I am in reality. But then, there’s some things I couldn’t say in reality. Jandalf couldn’t see my face, and doesn’t know how real me is reacting unless I tell her, so I’m able to bring in plots that I’d be too embarassed to think aloud in reality. Like the whole Jether/Tiana thing… snicker.

ANYA:

Eowyn! Well, I am very happy to see you do have a small amount of time to spare me *chuckle*.

You do the small text thingie by doing a BLOCKQUOTE and /BLOCKQUOTE before and after the text you want to quote. (with the ‘< ' and '>‘ symbols of course to make them html tags)

But of course now I am dying to find out, what is the Jether/Tiana storyline and why would you be embarrassed to suggest it if you were writing together face to face (so to speak)?

Do tell (please!) :>

(And don’t stop writing in Tiana’s journal!)

TIANA

Oh, I’m not stopping writing in my LJ. I just posted in there, as a matter of fact… *snicker*

Oh well, you HAD to ask about Tiana/Jeth… agh… *crosses eyes* That’s one of the worst plots we’ve managed to come up with, beyond the Cyaeth thing, of late. Master, please do post your half of this thing… but… starting from the top, I guess…

…and it’s not that it’s that bad to talk about in reality… I mean, my best friend asks me every time I see her how Jether is… it’s just… yeah. Here’s the basic story.

Jether is Jandalf’s Mirror’s son– her son, really. (get her to explain) During our time on Tatooine (when Tiana and JP were still on the Darkside for a time, then got teleported through one of the Trinity Portals using the Keys to Terra) him and Anakin were locked up together in a cell. All was fine and dandy until Tiana got killed off temporarly, and Anakin reacted rather harshly and in characterly to that.

He nearly killed Jether, then went off on his own plot tangent as Cyaeth.

DIA, of course, wasn’t about to let her boyfriend do in another person– but he couldn’t exactly hear her, being that she was dead, and all that junk, so she settled for resurecting Jether from an unconscious state, and thus creating a semi-bond between the two who just HAPPENED to be unattatched at the time, and similarly aged. Convenience at work, as usual.

So, things went on– Jandalf did a short scene with him entering the Shadow Realm through a convenient portal– then he ended up nearly getting bit in half by some Shadow Realms creature, and Tiana/Dia had to save him again. Conveniently. It ended up as some weird, awkward scene which ended up with her hugging him and the whole “You’re warm” comment coming into play– that being the words of a startled male at being hugged by a rather dead-seeming girl. (ask Jandalf, not me)

Things went on all fine and dandy– they were seperate– until Tiana fell off of a convenient cliff, nearly drowned, and Jether had to conveniently save her. Thus putting them as a group, to make it easier for us narrators, and to make a rather amusing scene, which, if you HAVE TO READ… *rolls eyes*

Anyway, it ended up with them having an interesting discussion concerning their feelings for each other, and turned out a lot mushier than I’d normally ever write. Thus making them a set-in-stone-pair. And all of the parents are out to plot weddings already, and kid’s names, and grandkids, and… yeah. Well, the moms. Obi-Wan is… himself… and Elachi was out to threaten Jether that he’d be missing body parts if he hurt Tiana. *snickers* That scene’s on Yoda Clones. And then there’s the whole tea thing… don’t ask, please!!!

Jandalf’ll have to give you her view on our conveniently worked in romance too… *evil grin* And I’ll have to upload the chat archive and force you to read our semi-mushyish RPG scene. Which it really wasn’t that bad, not even being as bad as Anakin/Padmé… no “I’ve died a little more each day” crap, just “Okay, so we love each other both… we’re going to be tormented about this for the rest of our lives… now what? Okay, kissy, that’s fine… now let’s just let that conveniently large spider nearly kill us.” Which was amusing, to say the least. Not quite that bad, but…

The moral of this story is that if you leave two characters that are both about 18 in a cave soaking wet with nothing else to talk about besides themselves, they’re going to end up kissing and have a convenient romance form from it all.

Darn, now I’m in a mushy/writery mood and I’ll have to looseleaf out a scene… *mutters* Because I’m out of computer time.

JANDALF

Q. How has the collaboration helped your individual writing? What advantages / benefits / improvements in your writing has the co-authoring given you that you may not have been able to achieve in solo writing projects? (If anything)

A. Oh…where do I start… (grins) Éowyn and I, while being eerily similar in many ways, definitely have our differing strengths. It’s such a joy to me to put them together into one big piece because, in this way, we’re able to contribute so much more than we could alone. She’s good at looking into people’s heads, and I love the dialogue and interaction parts, and you know what they say about two heads being four times as good as one…

Q. And, what are the positive and negative effects of doing your writing online?

A. The only drawbacks I can think of are having upset parents because one might spend a little too much time staring at the screen, and the occasional case of lost data (argh!). It’s definitely a benefit to have our work up on the internet because we can access it from practically anywhere that has the net, and print it out if need be. It’s a real pain transcribing stuff on looseleaf onto Word or a similar program, although sometimes it can be a beneficial editing process in itself.

Q. Some of the excerpts you nominated as favourite are from the post that you wrote in second person as opposed to most (all?) of the other posts which are first person. What was the reasoning behind writing in second person? How did it come to be that two parts you preferred to share are from that post in particular? Did you find it easier / more difficult to write in second person and why / why not?

A. I wanted to experiment with writing in second person, mostly, and found it more and more interesting as I progressed with that particular post. That was a very spontaneous entry…heh. Most of the writing I do that I like the best comes from sudden inspiration and whatnot. I’d progressed from writing entirely in third-person to the first-person narrative a short while back, as well as trying out a few shifts from past to present tense, with the purpose of allowing a reader to become more involved in the story, as if it’s happening before their eyes. Second-person was a bit of a different tack for me… I see it as conversing with myself. Conversation is something I believe I have a strength in, when it comes to writing, moreso than producing insights into characters’ minds. This way, I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone (to use the old idiom): I’d have a conversation with myself (or my character, rather) and in that way, look into her mind. I was rather astonished at my results…and liked it. At first, I found it a little hard to get going. I kept typing “I” instead of “you”, but I soon switched into the mode, and I was hooked. The words kept flowing, and that’s my only explanation. Heh.

Q. I think it is really interesting that you chose to use the livejournal more for the creation of a backstory from your padawan years and so on - do some of the threads of this backstory end up interwoven into your fan fiction in any way? How has the backstory helped you? Do you think reading it has helped Eowyn in any way at all, and if so, how can you tell? (Since she is away for a bit I have to ask you!)

A. Backstories…are backstories are backstories. Heehee. They are separate and yet so much a part of what I do, mainly because of the character development things I mentioned in my last series of answers. I expand upon what my character was like when she was an adolescent, a teenager, a young woman. It’s character extrapolation, really; that’s the most appropriate term I can think of. The background created there not only helps to develop the character, but events that occur in these backstories can also be incorporated into the current plot. For example, there’s the story I did where, on a whim, I made Master Elachi to have a phobia of lizards. For the mere sake of our amusement, that’s carried on into LotG, and may or may not have had a small part to play in discovering one of the hidden cities of the Shadow Realms, depending on whether or not Ariane actually remembered the way… But my Padawan would know. Heh. I hope reading my livejournal helps Éowyn in some small way at least, though I think she gleans more from the short scenes I do on my own time, which are posted on the Yoda Clones boards. As I’ve expressed to her, I’m frustrated that I don’t always have a way with making an entire post for the purpose of getting into a character’s head, but I’m working on it. Some things come easy for me, and other things I’ve attained by plugging away.

Q. Where do you get your inspiration for writing this? Do you draw from real experiences as well as imaginary / the fantasy worlds? Do you rely on the movies more than the books (a la Tolkien that is), or vice versa, or equal, and how much so?

A. Ai! Excellent question… I suppose I shall say I draw from every experience I have ever had, whether it be real or fictional, book or movie, family gathering or one-on-one time with Mom and/or Dad. I’ll state that first and foremost, I was a Star Wars fan. Lord of the Rings came a bit later, but I did read the trilogy (twice!) and the Silmarillion before I ever heard about the movies coming out. Most of my LotR memories are therefore still from the images I created in my mind when I read the books. It’s something automatic. I create my own personal movie in my mind’s eye, and usually if a movie comes out later and conflicts with that, I hate it forever. LotR, admittedly, was a little different. But that’s okay. Generally, from Star Wars…well, I’ve made a point of remembering all I can, which isn’t too difficult (even with my terrible memory) because I love it so much. Selective memory, perhaps.

Q. I really liked the foreshadowing you’ve done with Auddie and your master. Has something already happened in your fanfiction to inspire that or is it a new idea? Do you have a sister or a friend or anybody that you’re basing the Auddie character on (or is she another mirror of yourself?)

A. Shhhhhh…don’t tell anyone…but Jandalf was my first computer identity. Ever. However, when I started actually posting SERIOUS fanfiction under that name…no one took it seriously! They were too used to seeing spoofs under that name. So, I formulated Audreidi as my alter ego, whom I told everyone was Jandalf’s identical twin. And she…I mean…I…am, from a certain point of view (to use the quote yet again). Jandalf and Audreidi, especially under the two fanfiction accounts, are the two opposite sides of this girl behind the monitor, and yet very similar in some ways. So naturally, as I already had that system going before LotG, I incorporated both identical twins into it. Audreidi is the Mirror in our story (or at least she has a symbiosis with it, like she’s its physical incarnation or something), and this allows her to see into any of her reflected selves at any point in time, as long as the Mirror is working properly. Which in LotG, it is not, and she’s coming close to death and stuff because of that. But that’s beside the point. Audreidi has, probably from birth, always had the experiences of all her older and younger selves, which makes her a very interesting person indeed. And Elachi…he has his secrets as well. Being Tiana’s father, naturally there had to be a mother. He fell in love with Ariane sometime before Jandalf was apprenticed to him, and I suppose they had a hush-hush wedding or something, because they are married. Elachi and Ariane have two daughters: Tiana as well as Jethine, the latter of the two being the eldest. Poor Elachi never really realised he even had any children to speak of until after he actually met them. Heh. But, as a Master in the Temple, attachments of the kind he shares with Ariane are forbidden, so he keeps it a secret from even his Padawan.

Right…hope that’s good enough for now. This is so much fun… (grins)

TIANA

Pulled out a piece of the archive of Tiana/Jeth. I can get you the beginning scene with Tiana/Dia bringing him back to consciousness, and the first piece in the Shadow Realms if you want, but I figured what you have here– which is rather long– rather introduced the romance well. It’s completely unedited from our formating, with OOC comments, and… yeah.

It’s abrupt to begin, but it began one archive ago and I was too lazy to give you the entire long scene starting from Tiana nearly drowning. Basically, she nearly drowned beforehand, then Jeth nearly got clawed to death by some weird creature… yeah.

http://www.freewebs.com/calthyechild/Tiana_Jeth%20archive%20for%20Anya.rtf

Hope it makes some sense, for the sake that it’s in the middle of nowhere.

JANDALF

Uhhhh…I’m assuming you want to know why I’m supposed to be orange in the first place… (grins) But the text colour in my livejournal is #FF9900. If I remember correctly. Heh. As to the original story…well. That’s going back a way. My character Jandalf the Orange is over two years old. Wayyyyyy back in 2001, I stepped into high school…and adopted a whole new circle of friends. That’s a story in itself. Anyway, we mutually rediscovered Star Wars and LotR, but especially the former, and I gradually became possibly one of the biggest SW buffs in our school. I think it’s likely that I still am. My school consists of about 1000 students, so my level of geekiness does have some bragging rights. Heh. Two of my friends in particular were involved in spoofing with me. I suppose I’ll have to upload the first spoof I ever wrote that started our whole satire fetish, because without that spoof…I wouldn’t be here today, online like this, and I would have never gotten to know Éowyn. Eventually, me and those two local friends began incorporating ourselves into our spoofs, and I decided we needed spoof names, so I wrote the fateful Lord of the Clings around September 2002, another major step towards my present identity. I incorporated some other friends into it, of course, like Katrinolas and Mikumon, but Lindo and Chelsegorn, together with me, still form the epic spoofing trio of girl-geeks. And we love it. That’s the fanfiction where Jandalf first became orange. Again, a random whim of entertainment early on in chapter three (in this case, making her fall into a vat of orange dye) served a much greater purpose, forever giving me the title Jandalf the Orange, after the general name templates of the Istari, like Gandalf the Gray, Saruman the White, and Radagast the Brown. There are a couple of others in Middle-earth canon, but not really prominent enough in the main story to be mentioned. Radagast hardly slipped into LotR as it is…but you probably know that. Lord of the Clings was also the spoof that birthed the concept of Yoda clones, also in chapter three when the Narrator (yours truly) loses her marbles. < (^^)> A bunch of terrible puns aside…yes. LotC was definitely a turning point. I carried on with various other spoofs, and Insanity Prevailing was born. Ahhh…that was a most interesting turn of events. Here’s a short excerpt from the latter bit of chapter two that changed everything:

After a while of walking, they came into a country that looked very flat. The hobbits immediately became bored, because they were used to lots of nice rolling hills and trees. But this…well, it was about as exciting as being trapped in a library entirely consisting of maudlin, insipid romance novels. Yechhh.

“Where are we?” Luke whined. “It’s so flat and boring and stupid here. Why did we have to go this way? I don’t like it here. Why can’t we—”

“SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” yelled human Han, very annoyed. “I don’t really like it here either, but it was either this or the long way around, with Orcs. This land’s called Saskatchewan.”

“Why does it have such a funny name if it’s so boring?” wondered Wedge.

“I don’t see why it has to have a name at all,” complained Luke. “Why would someone even bother to come here and name it…Sarzkitchewywarn, if it’s so boring and flat? What’s it good for? Why is it even part of Middle-earth?”

“It’s not,” interrupted human Han, hoping to keep Luke quiet. “It’s part of an obscure country called Canada that somehow extends into Middle-earth. We skipped customs because that would take too long.” Americans, he thought, not remembering that Harrison Ford is from Chicago. That’s what someone told the Narrator, anyway.

That little bit right there triggered the attention of one Elf with a Lightsaber, who was a Canadian herself, and (though the review unfortunately no longer exists) submitted a review that roughly stated: “Canada. Is. Not. Obscure.” Of course, she did not know at that point that I myself was Canadian. So I responded in an email that since I was Canadian, I made fun of the country all the time. We replied and replied and eventually went on MSN…and here we are today, doing LotG together. (grins) I find all the coincidences perfectly absurd. And I LOVE IT!! Personally, I think God might have had something to do with it…I mean, what are the chances?

Hah! Romance! Disgusting stuff. I have nothing but contempt for the mush we generally see in today’s stories. Chick flicks are the devil incarnate…and I wanted to drive down to Skywalker Ranch and personally strangle George Lucas when I saw the junk he’d put into AOTC. Of course, I would have been mobbed by fans, especially fangirls, I imagine…heh. (rolls eyes) Han and Leia’s romance is a shining example to the media world today: short, sweet, and to the point. And no stupid poetic babbling, or lovesick warbling. It’s just…sickening. And perhaps that’s part of the reason I’ve never had a boyfriend. I don’t need one, nor do I want one. I don’t want to get tied down whatsoever for at least another three to five years. So basically, I’ve never had any romantic relationships whatsoever. But the things I’ve picked up do give me a sort of perspective for it. I don’t rely on movies or most other media for that sort of thing; I talk to real people, who’ve had real experiences with love and heartbreak and marriage and all that. It’s something completely different when it’s genuine, when it’s real. The only movie that’s labelled as a romance movie that I do like is Moulin Rouge…simply because it’s so hilarious in most parts, and so grippingly human in others, though there are some principles I disagree with. Plus it has amazing music, medleys, contemporary ripoffs and all. (grins) And me and my friends always make fun of the character Christian and call him Obi-Wan. I mean, McGregor is forever Obi-Wan, even when he’s a penniless writer in a bohemian French nightclub.

This, of course, raises the question: “But Jandalf, if you generally hate most romance stories so much, why in Middle-earth are you writing one?!”

Excellent question. Because I’m loving it. I find it absolutely hilarious to write, and even better from the perspective of a male character. I have had some experience with male characters before this, anyway, and I almost prefer it sometimes, as I’m very often delving into a mind completely unlike my own that way.

Heh…as for whatever else you’re curious about…heck, if you want me to help you concoct another chapter, ask away!

TIANA

You wanted me to answer this second person stuff… so…

Some of the excerpts you nominated as favourite are from the post that you wrote in second person as opposed to most (all?) of the other posts which are first person. What was the reasoning behind writing in second person? How did it come to be that two parts you preferred to share are from that post in particular? Did you find it easier / more difficult to write in second person and why / why not?

The nomination stuff doesn’t count for me, but…

I prefer writing in second person because it forces me to take an outsiders view on my character. My last post which… uhh… revealed who my second person narrator was… gave me the opportunity to get into two character’s heads. Kill two birds with one stone, you know. For me, it’s not harder to write in second person. Heck, I could write this in second person. Maybe I will, just to be annoyingly me.

You’re writing this post with every intention of annoying Anya, yet you know that it won’t work because nothing seems to annoy you. I’m watching you, and wondering when you’re going to clue into that little fact, you annoying person, you. You’re attempting to answer a question in second person, and wondering how it’s going to work. You find that talking in third person is strangely easier.

Tiffany is baffled.

TIANA requests that she be known as Tiana.

Ooohhh… third person…

Eheh…

I don’t have to think to switch viewpoints, as that arguement with myself should prove. I can switch over from view to view, as long as I’m sticking to one character. I’m a narrator, born and bred. *shrugs* Jandalf tends to be better with conversations. The reasoning behind second person is simple– it’s like a conversation, and strengthens me there, but it’s still just me. And me. And me. Mr. Anderson…

Heh.

It’s also rather different to take the second person POV, because most would stick to first person views. I like being different. Thus, I shall be different, and stick to second person from this point on. I think I may change narrators every now and again, just to be weird though… yeah.

Jandalf pretty well covered how we met, and that. Yup, my basic review was as follows:

Canada. Is. Not. Obscure. I should know, I’m from Alberta. (mutters about stupid Americans) Anyway, the story was funny, keep it up, I’ll review the rest once I get back from youth group. I’m 5 minutes late as it is because I had to finish your chapter.

Got emailed in reply the next day, about the following. I didn’t save all the junk, but, yeah…

Oh, I am Canadian too. Sorry about that, I insult Canada all the time.

I replied with an appology, and she replied immediately– convenient that she was online… *Shrugs*

Got to the point where I was asked if I had MSN, and a legacy began… mwhaha.

Paint Wars came into being when I asked her to join my site, and was teasing her about her rank– I could probably find that archive on the external SOMEWHERE. And she went all Jedi Master on me, so I played along. Read the first PW episode. That’s what happened from her calling me Padawan. And I decided to write it out for no reason at all. *snicker*

Yes, you’re right, my dear Master. God must’ve been working somehow there… no chances of us meeting otherwise. *shrugs* Nearly a year now…. 17th…

Now, conserning romance…

One month ago, I would’ve screamed at you that I hated romance. Well, a bit more than that now… but…. Yeah. I hated everyone who kissed besides Han and Leia. They’re just cute. I don’t have a boyfriend/crush/anything of the like. I avoid romantic chick flicks like the plague… though I did watch 50 First Dates, and How to Deal… and hated them, but that really wasn’t the point. I’m just going with the flow, and forcing myself to adopt Jether as my boyfriend in my mind’s eye. The only way I could possibly act so… WRONG… is to act write. Tiana isn’t really more romantic than I am, I’ve always had a love for romantic songs– my Heart Will Go On, A Moment Like This… gotta record myself… heh. But she just shows it a bit better, because she has the chance to stare into someone’s endless dark eyes, and fall into pieces, and wonder whether she’s got the flu, or whether her body is just taking control of itself, or whether falling in love actually is that hard on you.

I have to agree with Jandalf, the only reason we’re doing this is because it’s hilarious to write. I mean, we had one pair before hand– Elachi/Ariane… but… they’re themselves. Married for years, and the worst we got was them hugging every once and a while, and Master Yoda’s priceless comment. “Busy, you have been!”

It was a challenge at first, adopting to the role. As I expressed to Jandalf over the phone, it bothered me at first, as it felt too much like I was flirting with my Master. Then I slowly made myself adapt to thinking of Jether as someone completely different, and… it was easier. Ish. It, of course, raised the possibilty of me having to try playing a guy character… *takes a deep breath* But I really, really, really don’t know if Jemaei/Kylan is a good idea………

< (^^)> < ($$)> YODA HAS A DENTIST…

…sorry. That was my Yoda Clone. Then there was < (@@)>, which was the Lovestruck Yoda… and < (OO)> Frodo Yoda, and… yeah. Snicker.

With Tiana and Jether’s slight romance story, we’re trying to keep ourselves from falling too far into the sickening Anakin/Padmé styling. Our readers will hate us enough for spending several hours our own time writing a couple scenes between Tia/Jeth, but they’ll just have to live with it. Besides, it brings us to an even better scene idea… *cackles*

We’ve been plotting. A lot. But no poetic babble, or anything like that. The worst we get are annoying pet names, and our characters falling to pieces, and turning very, very red for some odd reason… ah, the art of playing the parents is SOOOOOOOOOO amusing…

Well Jandalf, you asked for these *grin*

I want to collect some more data about your use of livejournal / this blog as an aid to your fan fiction writing so here are some questions for each of you to respond to (please!):

- How did keeping the livejournal help you in your thinking or writing about the characters you RP?
- Although you’ve both been RP-ing and writing FF for much longer than the livejournals, did the journals add anything noticeable to either the RP or the resultant FF?
- Did you read each other’s livejournal and if so, what if anything did it add to your RP/FF?
- Are there any excerpts from your lievjournals that you can copy and paste here to show me something NEW that you discovered about your character that hadn’t come through in your writing before that?
- What is your favourite bit of writing from your livejournal (cut and paste that section) and why do you like it?
- What parts of your character, as shown in your livejournals, are similar to your real self, and how so?

Eowyn, a question just for you now,
- How has your telling me about your RP / FF and responding to my questions added to or changed in any way your writing or thinking about your story creating?

Jandalf’s Answers

Heh. I had to reply, obviously.

For the question you posed under “Performativity, Desire, Language and Sexuality”… I find it interesting you did ask that. Over the time I’ve been involved in drama, both in school and with extracurricular groups, I’ve been taught (by my observations) that getting into character works in a sort of cycle. In the mind, I pull the plug on the responses that I would make, and engage myself into the character’s mentality. This is automatically reflected in my facial expression… However, I generally find it’s faster, easier, and more effective to get into character by beginning with facial expressions. I posted that Colour Quiz here a while back, and all I had to do to get the various results for our different LotG characters was to stare at the monitor in different ways. I’ve trained myself, I suppose, for that to be a sort of trigger. In using my facial expression, I can allow myself to roleplay far more effectively than if I assume the role of an observing narrator. I also find my body tensing up at particularly exciting parts of our roleplaying… (grins) And sometimes I automatically move in ways that I have my characters move. For example, if I have one of my characters, say Elachi, go on a long run and converse with one of Éowyn’s characters after that run, I’ll find myself panting, just a little. In this way, I’ve learned the mind can have incredible control on the body…perhaps a control that we as a species haven’t learned how to properly tap into yet. That’s why I find the order of the Bene Gesserit in Frank Herbert’s Dune series so fascinating. But I’m getting off topic.

Here are my answers to your other questions.

Q. How did keeping the livejournal help you in your thinking or writing about the characters you RP?

A. Although I haven’t yet spent much time plugging stuff into my livejournal, I find it a good exercise because I can more effectively explore the characters I’ve created. I can make background for them, as a sort of explanation why Jandalf is like this toward others, why this makes her angry, why she’s hesitant about certain things. The initial conception of a character usually isn’t much more than a basic profile, like name, physical appearance, general age, home planet, etc. By creating small scenes or diary entries, you develop the character into more than just a name. You create a personality all its own, with hopes, fears, dreams, emotions. You create a person, and because of that, I’m more readily able to don my characters and make a mere masquerade into a performance.

Q. Although you’ve both been RP-ing and writing FF for much longer than the livejournals, did the journals add anything noticeable to either the RP or the resultant FF?

A. Heh. I’ll get back to you on that, I think…as I said, I’ve hardly begun with the livejournal. Éowyn would probably be able to formulate a better response to this question.

Q. Did you read each other’s livejournal and if so, what if anything did it add to your RP/FF?

A. Yes, I do read her livejournal, and I find it helps me to perceive her characters (especially Tiana, obviously) more accurately in the same way that writing about my own characters helps me. She’s done really well with making her livejournal into an actual journal, and that in itself is an enormous help. People tend to pour out their feelings more into a journal or diary because they know it won’t hurt them or misunderstand them like speaking to another person might. I’ve never really kept such a journal, so I’m having some difficulties with mine, but…heh. Padawan, that journal of yours… It reveals where Tiana’s placed her trust and her hope. It shows where her true allegiance lies, as well as her love. It tells me what she fears the most. And again, for me, that makes Tiana’s character into a more complete personality that I’m able to respond to more effectively.

Q. Are there any excerpts from your livejournals that you can copy and paste here to show me something NEW that you discovered about your character that hadn’t come through in your writing before that?

A. Oh, yes…there are a couple of short bits from my last post, which I did in second-person on a whim.

You’ve neglected some of the studies that you’d decided upon for yourself. You can’t even remember why you wanted them in the first place. They don’t have anything like the sheer being of what you experienced in that different universe.

This brought me to the reality of what my character faced after coming back to a place she’d once regarded as her home. A condensed history: Jandalf, in her latter years of being a senior Padawan, lost her Master on a mission (he didn’t die, but she didn’t know that for certain…but that’s another story). On her search for him, she was pulled into a random and conveniently appearing portal (woo-hoo!) and found herself in Middle-earth, a world very close to the one of her birth, though again, she didn’t know that either. After searching for her Master there for years, she discovered a certain belonging to M-E, but returned to the Star Wars galaxy and to the Jedi Temple out of a sense of duty. So that little excerpt from my livejournal illustrates a little of the mixed feelings Jandalf’s having about the Temple, something I never even thought about…but it came out when I sank into character. Eerie, how those pieces sometimes just fall into place.

The only thing keeping you from sinking into the mires of despondency is that hope you’ve been clinging to, the one you’ve always held within your tight grasp. The hope that there is some treasure yet to be found in this perspective of things that they call your life. A fool’s hope, perhaps, but it’s enough even so.

You can only pray it’ll be fulfilled soon.

And that…revealed Jandalf is more like me than I had ever thought yet. I’ve often mused why I don’t fall into depression myself…and then I recognise that hope that I cling to in my reality. I guess it’s carried itself across.

Q. What is your favourite bit of writing from your livejournal (cut and paste that section) and why do you like it?

A. After a bit of deliberation, I decided on this:

Master Elachi doesn’t really like Fete Day all that much. Sure, it’s a holiday celebration, and there’s a bunch of festival activities all over Coruscant (even in this stuffy old Temple), but…this is definitely something we have in common, if nothing else. We despise commercialism.

Rather than commune with everyone else in one of the Temple’s mezzanines, we found an isolated balcony. It was beautiful, really.

Heh…I guess I favour that little part because of my disgust of commercialism. I like it because I can make the story from my perspective and argue for a point, in a way. I can keep my sights upon how much I’m in love with things being in their pristine condition. Come to think of it, there are quite a few bits of writing that I’ve done that are persuasive in an almost passive sense. I think impressions have two “best” ways of carrying across: the obvious, loud, and bold, and the quiet and unnoticed that slip into your subconscious. Sort of like the way my mom never wanted me and my younger brother to watch “The Simpsons” when we were younger, because she observed how the manner of characters we saw on TV carried themselves into our own demeanour, even if only temporarily. I suppose I want to employ that way of making impressions in my writing.

Q: What parts of your character, as shown in your livejournals, are similar to your real self, and how so?

A. One of the most obvious traits, to me, anyway, is my anger at base injustice:

There was that mission you undertook only a week after you returned to the Temple. The one where you were assigned to track down a con artist that was actually beginning to threaten some parts of Corellia’s economy. You never actually managed to get him captured. Garris Shrike, you remember. That’s his name. You’re one of few outside his organisation who knows it. Shrike somehow pulled things to his side so that when you did finally meet up with him, CorSec was there, stating your intrusion into a supposedly innocent civilian’s privacy when their real quarry was the one they were protecting…

You got angry, but you hid it. You weren’t so much maddened by the though of him getting away as what it would do to all those kids he’d taken into his business. One of them had been posing as his son, and couldn’t have been much older than five or six. He’d been innocent-looking enough while he played the role, but you saw that sheen of adult desperation in his eyes under the unruly mop of brown hair. You’d wanted to take him away from this, maybe even take him with you, but you couldn’t. You took it like the Jedi you are, hiding your rage at the injustice of it all…

Like I said. I hate it when people, especially children, are pulled into situations they are undeserving of. I hear on the radio or news of some kid that’s been murdered/raped by some sicko, and I get mad. That’s one of the very few things that will make my blood positively boil, one of the things that will make me want to grab a rifle and shoot the offender through the head. Since that’s significant to me, I’ve carried it across to my main character in a similar way. I haven’t done quite enough yet to carry across a lot more, but other things stand out from our roleplaying, like my tendency to be “outside” the crowd, how I often try to hide personal feelings, etc.

I hope I’ve answered your questions well enough…and if you have any more, feel free to post ‘em!

Tiana’s Answers:

I won’t be on for a while, but I had to reply anyway.

- How did keeping the livejournal help you in your thinking or writing about the characters you RP?

In forcing yourself to fall in character for something without having the pressure of knowing that you have to be in character completely or else, you begin to allow those characters an impression in your mind that you couldn’t get otherwise. I used to looseleaf diary entries for characters. Still do. Yet, by putting it into text– like the RPGs– we make our characters become firmer imbedded into our minds. A journal is something you can talk to without worry… by letting your characters have that advantage, you can let their inner thoughts out without colliding with your own.

- Although you’ve both been RP-ing and writing FF for much longer than the livejournals, did the journals add anything noticeable to either the RP or the resultant FF?
Eh… yeah. The live journal was a way to get into Tiana’s head without the pressure, and made her character stronger.

- Did you read each other’s livejournal and if so, what if anything did it add to your RP/FF?
Oh, always read Jandalf’s. I always check. She doesn’t post very often though. *pouts* It gives me a chance to get into her character’s head, which is why I enjoy it. I used to write character view points all the time, but Jandalf isn’t very good at it, I don’t think, so I never get into her head. Having the advantage of knowing how she thinks… it does a lot for me. I can imiate her pretty well… she could do the same for me, I think.

- Are there any excerpts from your lievjournals that you can copy and paste here to show me something NEW that you discovered about your character that hadn’t come through in your writing before that?

I’m afraid, for once in my… eh… lack of life, that I have completely failed. Have I failed?

What life have I lived that’s effected other people? If Jandalf cannot return for me, will my only memory be in the minds of those who hated me? I know that if she lives, she will return for me.

But, in all reality, what impression have I made upon a person’s life?

The Jedi Masters back at the temple would inform me that my impression upon a person’s life was that of a catalyst. I caused their world to fall into pieces, and completely tore everything apart. Master Yoda would’ve informed me that in my future, most paths led to death, pain, suffering… emotions of the Dark Side.

In a few pieces like that, I allowed her complete fear of failing, of making a bad impression in someone’s mind through. Usually, she hides behind her walls and veils, and you don’t see this fear.

- What is your favourite bit of writing from your livejournal (cut and paste that section) and why do you like it?

Ahh… here. A piece I wrote around the time at Tatooine, when Tiana was struggling with a turn to the Darkside.

How do you betray someone who’s been your closest friend for years on end? How do you turn against them– even if it’s to save someone else– at least, that’s what you think.

Truth is, you don’t. I’ve tried to turn… I did turn, I will admit that. But… that means nothing now. When you have a close bond with someone, whether through love, friendship, or whether they’re your Master… that doesn’t matter. You don’t tear them apart.

Because a true statement is, if they are that close to you, it’ll tear you apart too. It’s sometimes easier to lose everything than to betray someone you love. I’ll never understand how Anakin could turn against his Master, even if he was lied to by the powers of the Darkside– because even when my Mirror turned (the one now known as Ennariel, the daughter of the Middle realm) she was not able to hold it.

I don’t know what happened that day– she never told me– but somehow she made up with JF again. I think I can understand why, too– she mistook me for Enn once, and I was able to see their conflict in a level of understanding I didn’t have before. Just like I was able to see a conflict between JP and myself.

And… I dearly hope that did not tear us completely apart. She accepts me again… aye, even trusts me– which is more than I can say. It’s a hard thing to explain, this trust we have, even after both of us turned. I couldn’t explain it to her, even though I tried– maybe I’ll be able to sometime. But… when faced with that question… “Do you trust me?”… she was able to answer straight to my face, and affirm it, while I couldn’t even look her in the eye.

She claims to understand… yet… I think it tore her apart more than the knowledge I had turned did. It was an inner betrayal… and it hurts me too. Will we ever be able to return, or is that something just long past?

But how can you explain that it’s not because she too turned to the Dark path that I don’t trust her. It’s a bitter thing to say, and it pains me to admit it, though I must– but I didn’t trust her before. I make it often out to be that it’s her twins I am trying to save– and once again, I froze up when attempting to explain why I continue to follow her. It’s partly the training bond, yes– that’s not something lightly broken, and we are closer than many, mayhaps for our less than erratic age difference– but it’s not just that. I… I want to save her. I don’t want her to fall into Shadows.

I don’t want my Master to fulfill my simple words that she will always be my Mirror.

By trying to break that, is that a betrayal in itself? I have to talk to her so badly… and yet… I… can’t.

Or is it not a question of can’t, but a question of won’t?

I liked this piece if merely for the sake it expressed the struggle that’s always there with trust. Ask anyone– that’s my biggest issue. To trust, and let go of feelings that are all too there. This piece was very questioning, as is a lot of the stuff I write.

This scene all too clearly expressed the tauntness of Tiana and Jandalf’s bond– an bond that, if it had not existed, would’ve killed both of them. Jandalf said that through my journal she could see more of Tiana– her hopes, dreams, loves, and all that. I don’t know if she reads it much, but… that was my goal. The pieces I write… well… they often express me as well. Very handy…

- What parts of your character, as shown in your livejournals, are similar to your real self, and how so?
All too much of Tiana is me, I’m afraid. It would be easier to tell you how different she is. I use the live journal as Tiana to get my frustrations out, because I’m too lazy to keep an active paper diary (I do, though, just that I only write once a week, usually). You use those journals to get your inner thoughts out, because you know it won’t laugh in your face. I use my characters to get my inner thoughts out. Seriously, Jandalf suffers when I’m moody, because I don’t usually get my frustrations out offline.

The trust issue, the whole loving someone completely, yet being afraid to say it… that’s me, not just Tiana. Oh, yes, and the memory thing. I don’t remember anything before my 3d birthday, and even until I was around… 11… it’s blurry. Yeah. I use Tiana as a stronger version of myself.

- How has your telling me about your RP / FF and responding to my questions added to or changed in any way your writing or thinking about your story creating?
By allowing myself to express my thoughts and wishs about my writing, I force myself to improve more. It hasn’t changed my thoughts, really, but making myself express my thoughts on them make them a more conscious thing, and thus I actually manage to accomplish my goals. Say I told Jandalf I wanted to learn to spell some weird word she used. I will learn it– example being symbiosis– and I’ll remember it. By making myself consciously admit something, I’ll make myself consciously improve it. By your asking questions, I have to make myself thing further in and deeper, thus opening up possilbilties I never thought of. Though the detailed one, I still miss some things, then you ask, and I have to figure it out! Heh…

Still working on ways to cheat on making something look like it’s fallen to pieces on good ol’ Arcsoft (if someone wants to buy me Photoshop, Flash, or CoralDraw, I’m welcome to it… heh heh)

Mom said it looked more like a melted Mirror, but it was still freaky.

Interestingly enough, my RPG character being Tiana Elass… well… I couldn’t resist doing some look up work.

Tiana is a real name (I knew that before) and means princess. It’s greek.

Elass… I went Elvish on that one… turns out Eless means renewed in… Sindarien, I think. I was bothered. Almost as bad as the Ennariel thing… snicker.

If anyone’s interested in elvish too, there’s a really, really good dictionary on www.nevrast.net.

Dolls in a lot of ways can become like our avatars– we make them to reflect our personal tastes. Just by looking at the few posted on here, I can recognize this in their patterns– I know Jandalf, and know that the one she did was like to her in reality, in a sense. I get the same feeling from Anya’s.
Out of boredum, I put together a couple more using that dollmaker…

I’ve noticed a pattern in my choices. Even the middle one, with which my goal was to be completely NOT me, I still choose eyes that aren’t quite focused on the camera. On most of my drawings, now, I do that as well. Their legs are always covered, as well.

There’s something about the way we choose to make ourselves appear online that even reflects in unconscious manners– we try to escape looking at things straight, and so we choose an avatar that’s looking away.

I found putting dolls together to be quite stress relieving. What’s in these small creatures that amuses us so? Is it the fact that we’re bringing something to life, or merely the fact that, as a girl, I’m suppose to enjoy fashion with a passion?

…my head hurts… I need ice cream…

Eh, another stupid character POV poem… again, based on the present situation. Heh. I need to find a way to make a midi file and make the tune that came to mind while writing this… heh.
***

You said you’d always be there,
You said you’d never give me reason to despair…
Well, someone tell me why I’m dying,
Someone tell me why I’m crying…
Someone tell me why you’re no longer here for me…

When you look into my eyes, tell me, who do you see?
You told me I was someone who’d always seem free.
Well, big surprise, I’m lost now– without a home,
Everywhere I look– all I do is roam…
Why did you abandon me to this endless fate?

When I look forward, we no longer can relate.
You’ve left me here, when will my pain abate?
Someone tell me why I’m hurting,
This fate I’ve fell to is very disconcerting…
Where did you go when I needed you most?

Well, now for once, my life is toast,
Look at me– what do you see– a ghost.
A shadow of who I used to be, of what I was.
And you know why I am, all because…

Because you left me on my own.
Because I am without a home.
But wait, I’m not dead yet,
By all means, I’ve paid my dept.
Who am I, who are you?
For once I have no clue…
I’m not lost yet, just wanderin’…
And not all who wander are lost.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not dying, crying…
Trying to come back to you.

Eh… yeah, more stuff.

I HAD to make a doll:

Anya, that link is darned cool. If only they did Jedi clothes, it’d be so much better… heehee.

I found an oddly amusing picture of Obi-Wan too…

Sigh. I’ve been drawing lately, but I haven’t scanned any of my stuff in for a LOOOOOOOOOOONG while. But I still LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE… *sings*

…well… I mean… I live… Tiana is sort of in a half-state… Jeth thinks she’s alive… heh, yeah.

HIYA, ALL, AND GOOD NIGHT!

…*feels oddly like making a quiz*

I’ve been so excited to follow Eowyn’s livejournal - the journal she is writing pretty much from within the mind of her character Tiana (Tiana’s Online Mess - Inside the mind of a pseudo-padawan). I think it’s a brilliant way to get inside a character’s head, and even though the journal might not be stand-alone publishable as a commercial novel, it surely is a wonderful source for the fan fiction which could lead to something more. I especially like the way Jandalf also started a diary so that both Jandalf and Eowyn could read the diaries as a stimulus for role-playing and writing. I think a great research project would be to get a group of kids to write online fictional diaries or blogs (either individually as or as a group).

I’ve been thinking this as I have continued to enjoy reading several blovels (blog novels) such as Confessions of a Blogger.

Today I came across Ravenstone Tower, the fictional blog of a 13 year old boy who, after his mother died, was “sent to live with his grandfather (The Captain) in an old tower in the wild country near the borders of Scotland”. I’ll enjoy following this because I’ve been dying to find a web / email narrative / blovel (or at least a fictional blog) which is suitable to use with younger children.

I also came across a list of fictional blogs and links to some journalistic articles on fictional blogging here, and was happy to see an academic (Jill Walker) quoted.

I think what I am most interested in the process Eowyn and Jandalf are working through - journalling through their character’s eyes, role-playing their fan fiction and collaboratively writing the fiction based on these. The process is fascinating and the result is a rich, sophisticated and complex piece of fiction. The in-role poetry has also been simply breathtaking - Eowyn’s poem, Calling, written from Tiana’s point of view is one example of that. Not to mention the images and multimodal texts, including the movie preview that is stunning!

So, fictional blogging … I’m hunting for more examples now!

posted by Anya at 5:59:49 PM
1 Comments:

Eowyn Skywalker said…

*rolls eyes* Well, it’s become a rather complex thing. We actually need the blogs to keep track of our… it’s not a plot anymore, but a complete world.

(another link you might want is here: http://yodaclones.proboards29.com/index.cgi?board=PWjunk)

We’re using that for seperate scenes and stuff we don’t want to real-time RPG.

I don’t think anyone else out there would do this beyond us– we’re some of the few people with… this… fetish for writing. Though it would be a good research thing to get a group of people into this real-time in-depth RPing… it’d be hard to find people willing to, I think.

And, if you were interested, I have been bugging Jandalf that with all the work gone into our OCs that we need to write a sci-fi novel from it and publish…

Though I do most of the transcribing from the chats, and do most of the trailers/images/junk like that… it’s a very team-work effort.

But writing a fictional blog is SO much fun! I mean, seriously. I have to let myself be my character… and it’s fun.
9:06 AM

The social identity of avatars
Yes I am on a ‘writing about avatars’ blitz lately.

Questions:

* What do you hope (if anything) that others will understand about you from your avatars?
* Are there any symbols on your avatars that have particular significance?
* Are there any common features across the majority of your avatars?

And, if anybody has time, would you please describe an avatar that I haven’t seen.

posted by Anya at 1:45:50 AM
1 Comments:

Perc said…

1) I don’t want people to ‘understand’ anything from my avatars. Except that I like Borg. Gyahahah!
2)Yes. Zhuge Liang’s little hat. It’s just, ya know… a symbol… a calling card…
3)They tend to either wear robes, or be from Chinese history. Most likely both.

The avatar: a moveable theatre of the self
If we take Baudrillard’s notion of the simulacra, which is essentially about the fetishisation of the represented object, we can think of the avatar as being hyperreal - an over representation, an object of ’scopic consumption’, in which the body remains profoundly absent. Using Braidotti’s work on the image of the model, we could extend this to say,

“The bodily surface, and the complex montage of organs that composes it, is thus reduced to pure surface, exteriority without depth, a moveable theatre of the self.” (Braidotti)

An avatar is a style, a mask, but subject to change at a moment’s whim, impermanent, changeable, fluid…

But aren’t we glad about that? For then we can transcend the limits and boundaries of the body and popular discourses about the body - we can transform our bodies… or are we buying into the discursive body regimes of ideal health and beauty with our avatars? By reducing the body to surface, does that not magnify the significance of other cues such as the language and interaction? Or does that cause the language to become hyperreal as well?

This continues to be a struggle I have with the idealised body culture of avatars. On the one hand I find it liberating to always appear young, beautiful, slender, and gorgeous with my avatar. Basically for me it means I can forget about how I am visually perceived, and concentrate on the social interactions. Yet on the other hand, by wearing these gorgeous avatars am I doing a disservice to females in general? Am I doing a disservice to my self? Am I setting myself up to be the subject of disgust to others when they see my grey hairs, wrinkles, and multi-curved body?

But its not just about the body (though as I argued in another post, in a more general sense its always about the body).

Its about having a presence. Its about power. Its about confidence to express your thoughts. And when I think about online interactions, I’m not so sure that the avatar makes the differene, its probably just that I have a receptive audience. But is the receptive audience in any way a result of the avatar? Possibly some of the time, but I don’t think it is in general.

Do you judge a person by their avatar?

I do.

Have you been judged because of your avatar?

More random late night thoughts about avatars are sure to come *grin*

posted by Anya at 1:39:12 AM
2 Comments:

Perc said…

I’ve been deemed scary and evil due to wearing either
1) Darth Vader
2) Bilbo going psycho (FOTR)
3) Sauron

Mwahaha! FEAR.
3:33 PM
Eowyn Skywalker said…

You know– I’ve had PMs about my personal favorite avatar. I had Eowyn and Aragorn in their sword fighting segment, but I edited them to have lightsabers. It was… fun. Everyone loved it.

I did use myself once, a while back– merely to clear up misconseptions. On BD, it was.

An avatar is a mask, a covering up for who we really are– but is it just the avatars we wear, or is it who we become? We allow ourselves online to become pictures of ourselves, to become someone we’re not– and to what end?

Is it merely to express sides we cannot easily in reality– like I use Tiana to take out all my frustrations of reality through– or is it merely because we love to deceive people?

What is the point of an avatar, but to deceive– to create an image of ourselves that we’ll never be.

Vader, eh? *grins evilly*

Avatars Again!
(Its so much easier writing a new post to respond to your comments so I am)

Thanks Eowyn and Perc - you two both made me laugh today! *grin*

So… you both dream about yourselves in your avatar forms, or in text / sig file. I think that’s fascinating. (And I have been smiling all day today every time I recalled your: “I found it frustrating that I couldn’t move my arms” comment Perc. That’s funny! :>

Thanks for the link to your picture Eowyn! Actually I think i had seen it months ago on GotE but didn’t put your name to that photo til now! You remind me of one of my high school friends! Love the cloak! I never liked sewing. In grade 7 I had a HORRENDOUS sewing/craft teacher who slapped me on the back of my head because I couldn’t thread the bobbin fast enough!!! I was such a perfectionist and goody-two shoes so this event traumatised me for life. I don’t know how they can let some people stay teachers.

Anyway yes, I can see that you’ve chosen avatars and images that are similar to your real self. I wonder how many other people do this?

My main avatar has the same colouring as me and represents the type of beauty I find attractive. She is a model but deliberately not a famous celebrity. If I chose a celebrity as an av I’d probably go with Salma Hayak, but I don’t want my avatar to be a celebrity - I prefer her to be a nameless model, so that I can bring her alive as me, rather than have preconceived ideas attached to her.

I also had an image of myself I used for a while, but even those images (like the one here on display) are idealised - I took the pictures myself, shone a bright light onto my face to wash out the wrinkles, took 10 digital pics til I found one I liked, cropped out everything but the face… so I never saw that as being real either. In visual literacy we call these degrees of reality in images: MODALITY - the avatar is low modality because it only shares a few similar attributes, the photo is higher modality because it has more of the realistic attributes, but it isn’t 100% highest modality. Its all a cline. And I’m not sure about this, but I think some people feel differently about how we/they are relating to others depending where on the modality scale their/our avatar fits. Or maybe they simply select different avatars for different purposes and different spaces - all depending on the possibilities open to them I guess.

I’d like to hear more about this idea of deception. In what other ways have you deceived people (intentionally or accidentally) online?

posted by Anya at 12:15:44 AM
2 Comments:

Eowyn Skywalker said…

Ah, yes… deception. Hows this– I have several aliases on MEI and exactly 3 people know who all of them are. *grins* Well, 1 does… the other two might not yet. (coughJANDALFANDPADMEcoughcoughADRIENNEKNOWSWHOALLMINEAREcough) I admit that it’s intentional, and… evil… and I do feel guilty at times… butit’s FUN. That’s the problem. When I’m the admin, people think of me as that. When I’m another member– just like them– they treat me different.

I PMed Jandalf once as an alias before she knew who I was… heh… couldn’t resist. It’s fun to see how different people react.

I think Trin knows most of my aliases too.

And there was one really annoying guy driving me insane, so I told him I was actually a grown woman from some weird place and I was from the CIA inverstigating some weird triple crossover agent thing… had one heck of a story going… haven’t heard from him since! *grins* I should see if I can dig up the details of that…

Bah. Sometimes deception is easier than facing the truth. It’s easy to slip into RP mode here… I’m going in character now, so… just a warning. Just to explain more about deception.

I fool my Master a lot– though it’s not really true fooling. It’s just simple little dodges of the point. Little things that make for easier escapes. People don’t always need to know the entire story.

I admit it, I hate lying. Especially to my Master, but sometimes I have to. Sometimes you have to lie to yourself– at least, it seems that way.

Over time I’ve learned in the long run it’s safer to just face the truth. Stop warping reality, and face it head on. Let it pass through, and all that.

Yet… I still do it. I still go distant whenever she asks me a question. I say it’s because I can’t explain it very well– but I don’t think it really is. I continue to deceive myself, and watch my purple skies fly by.

((back out of character))

That didn’t make much sense. Just a small explanation as to why Tiana is so… distant.

It’s true though– online we don’t just deceive others, we also deceive ourselves in a way. We let ourselves take things for granted, let ourselves think so much…

And it’s not always true, is it?

About that pic– yup, it’s on GotE. I should get a more recent one to show you, though. I dunno where mom put the one with me with green streaks in my hair… have to find it… heh.

BAD TEACHER! *slaps Anya’s evil teacher* NO SLAPPING STUDENTS! Honestly! Why do people DO things like that? If they can’t control their temper, they shouldn’t be teachers! Sheesh! If my Master was that short of additude… well… Tiana’d be dead. Snicker.

Hmm… can’t say I’m not a perfectionist at times… but… yeah. Heh.

Mom taught me how to sew, of course. She’s much better than I am. You should see the Legolas costume she made for my little brother! It’s really cool. (she also did Anakin’s costume for him too, and Luke for another brother, and Pippin for my littlest brother) (and she was Celebrian and I was Eowyn… that was before MEI.) (I was also Darth Maul. That was bothersome, I admit…)

Interesting how so many people think I look almost familiar… what’s REALLY interesting is Jandalf met up with one of my second cousins or something like that and recognized her as being related to me! That was freaky! *grins*

Put my name to my photo, eh? So… what is my name, then? Nah, just kidding– but I do wonder what name people would place on me just by my appearance if they didn’t know my real name…

Yeah, I always go similar to myself for my main characters. Makes things a lot easier, really…
8:57 PM
Perc said…

Deception!

Remember that whole Star Trek chat I went to? The nasty one? Right. Well, I decided to pretend to be someone else completely different. I mean, there’s my username (uh-huh) Then I chose a different name, posed as a 16 year old, and used this identity to infiltrate my clan’s enemy clan, so I could send information back…

Infiltration be hard work, yo.
4:40 PM

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Avatars: consensual hallucinations?
Ahhh great comments Eowyn and Perc.

Perc, I read a review somewhere about that Bilbo going psycho scene and the reviewer said that despite all of the flashy horror effects, monsters and evil characters, the only scene that truly frightened her child was that scene. Something about the shock of a loved one turning on you being infinitely more horrifying than the known evil.

But my question to you is, why do you like wearing scary avatars? What is it about them that gives you pleasure?

One of my colleagues, Lois, responded to my post here, saying:

I agree that with the adolescents I have studied there is a sense of both the idealization of the “perfect” body in the humanoid avatars. However there is also an understanding that actual people rarely look like their avatars. These two ethics are constantly in conflict in that while teens would acknowledge that their chat partner was not the person pictured in the avatar, they would almost invariably describe the partner as having the same characteristics as the avatar - hair color, eye color, etc.

which I found very interesting. We’re all participating in what Cyberpunk writer William Gibson calls a ‘consensual hallucination’ (yes, I know some writers hate this term but it suits my purposes here to think in these terms) - we willingly participate in the idealised body culture of avatars and agree to live within the myth or the dream of perfection.

How would you describe your chat partners? Which features of their avatar would be reflected in that description? Physical attributes? Emotional? Your previous experiences with people who wear that type of avatar? Have you ever been discriminated against because of your avatar? Or know of any people who have? Have you ever been asked (or forced) to remove it? Are there types of avatars which make you instantly know not to bother talking with them?

One of the funniest moments I have had online was an evening when Percirion and I were chatting in the entrance of the palace. Perc was wearing his latest Chinese regal avatar which he’d modded into four positions: facing the left, facing the right, upside down, and laying down. He had his facing to the right (viewer’s right) avatar on. On logs somebody with an avatar of a very large buxom woman with not so modest attire, the avatar landing immediately to Percirion’s right, so that he is facing the bosom.

Anya [to the new person]: Err… careful there, Percirion is under 16, we don’t want to corrupt him!

In a split second within my saying this, Perc flips his avatar to face left, thus averting his (well, his avatar’s) eyes from the sight!

Exit the offending bosoms.

It was hilarious.

But we do make assumptions about who people are based on the avatars they wear. I had a long term friend that I knew offline but rarely saw - sometimes in my dreams I would see them - not as their physical body, but in their avatar form.

Have you ever dreamt about yourself in your avatar form?

I was also interested in Eowyn’s words (yes, somewhat joking but you know what they say, there’s truth in humour) about deception. Our avatars do deceive. Intentionally? I would like to know why Eowyn, you felt prompted to post your real picture ‘to clear up misconceptions’. What were the misconceptions? The main reason I want to see real pictures is to assure myself that you’re all the right age for my research! (You all seem so mature!)

I liked your thoughts about becoming online, that which we cannot be offline. One of the things I am most interested in is how your becoming online transfers in any way to offline. I think it does. My theory has been that you rehearse who you want to be online, and that it helps you become that person more offline. Do you think that’s at all true in any way? *smiles*

Thanks for your comments both of you, its soooooooo fascinating!

4 Comments:

Perc said…

About the Bilbo thingo?

I believe they call it a Defense Mechanism. Someone was being annoying, so out comes ol’ Bilbo… They tend to either 1) leave. 2) cry 3) concede defeat )4 all of the above.

Yes, I admit, I have previously had dreams that I am my AV. This is completely honest. I found it frustrating that I couldn’t move my arms.
3:12 AM
Eowyn Skywalker said…

Yes… I do dream about my avatar… and other peoples. Well, more, I have images based on the avatars myself and other people wear, and I use them to create a mental image, a perception of who I think they are. It’s interesting, really– I can picture one heck of a lot of the people I know online by their actions, personality, signatures, and avatars.

The face they show online is the face I try to let myself invision. I know Adrienne in reality– but when I’m thinking about Adrienne, and not her real self, I have a completely different perception of her. Same with Jandalf.

I suppose you’ve promted me to doing this, Anya… so…

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v315/lightsaber/Other/me.jpg

That is what I look like in reality. You see, I don’t actually… fool people too much. I write my characters as looking remotely like that girl you see there. Mom says that I can get Eowyn’s expressions– and I can do a decent Skywalker impression too. So… I’m not lying TOO much. *grins* That picture is from April… forget the date… taken in West Ed Mall when I met Jandalf. That’s why I’ve got the silly cloak on. I don’t wear it ALL the time anymore… *grins evilly* Just most of the time. When I’m in a “mood”.

Now are you satisfied that I’m 15? (14 there…) I KNOW I seem mature. I hate that, sometimes. I have better conversations with people older than me for that reason. I used to be able to go on and on about banana plants when I was 7. It was impressive, actually.

People were assuming that, from my name, I was a tall person, had red hair… lots of weird perceptions. (though I love the person who pictured me as having a lightsaber and not afraid to use it… heehee) It was… interesting… so I cleared it up.

You’re right, you know– by becoming a person online, it helps you become who you are offline. As I’ve put it before– you can’t escape who you are without killing yourself. By letting yourself be who you are– who you want to be– through RPGs, chatting, and avatars, you’ll slowly find the courage to accept it in reality. Becoming yourself by being someone else… it’s really a paradoxal statement, but by letting yourself be something else, you can become yourself.

Confusing, eh?

I need to get onto the palace more often, and try to mold myself a few avatars.

I don’t wear scary avatars. I… usually use signatures, more– and make a matching avatar. The text I often use expresses my mood, or whatever. The characters I use fit to my online character. I do this merely to keep the perceptions that people get from my character going.

I used myself in a sig once on MEI, for a time. Got tired of it, though. Jandalf has herself in her sig too.

Why do we do this? Use ourselves, when we’re trying to mold another personality online? I’m not certain…

You’ll never know me online unless I let you. Maybe that’s why. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of deceiving everyone at every given moment.

Maybe I want to be myself.

All right, I’ll stop monologuing! Snicker…
10:38 AM
Perc said…

That’s a nice picture.

Well, admit it, deceiving the known world is easy when you’re a name with a little fuzzy bit on the end and words…

That cloak reminds me of something I used to wear, but… it was too small
4:53 PM
Eowyn Skywalker said…

Hm… thanks, Perc. Good thing you just say it’s “nice”– I slapped the guy who tried calling me ‘hot’. E-slap, all right, but it worked.

I made my cloak. *is quite proud of herself* I made two, actually– the one I’m wearing in that picture (made a brooch to go with it, too, but it gets in the way), and the one I was wearing today– my “Sith” cloak. And I’m working on a new one that looks less like a costume in a better fabric than broadcloth– it’s a brown false-swede stuff, and it looks really Jedi-like.

Yeah… I like sewing. Snicker.
6:29 PM